"I am worth the fight!"

                         Good Morning--Lopez and I have been out--Sushi is fed--I have walked---So......This day has begun--How are you this morning?--Are you happy?---  Are you completely pooped?--Did you sleep well?----In any event, we are here--a huge part of to-day---  and...it is a sunny day--cool so far tho outside!

I believe it will warm up however--So, yesterday I went out to Son#1's house, on the lake--Lopez came with me---We sat on their deck, and looked down over the lake--so pretty--and warm still--and there were a few boats out on the lake. I did not stay there for dinner however, as they both have a cold---

Hopefully, we didn't pick up their cold-----And when I returned home, a good friend called and said she would pick me up and we could go out for dinner--so nice of her!---  I could not eat all the food on my plate--brought it home--In fact, usually I can not eat very much--never finish everything-- so, I bring it home and try to eat it  the next day for lunch---No appetite--Will this change??--  I certainly hope so!!!It seems to come , with the loss of a partner-- Crazy!!!! 

And there is a Bereauement  Session of classes  going to begin soon--Maybe they will help me return to normal again---be able to eat a meal--like --the whole meal---  help to stop the tears also--sorta return to normal-----about 5 classes--sounds good to me anyway--

I find it hard to even imagine myself happy--I wish I could--  I wish---my Himself --well. you know--I wish he was still here--

                                                        "I AM WORTH THE FIGHT!"

                                                                    YES I AM----

                                                            I MUST TRY --HARDER___
 

UFSO'S dropping off their nut jobs--

 -I survived another bad  day-- Praise be to God---and to my friends --and my son--because, they helped me thru yesterday--Yesterday was not my best day--in fact , it was probably my very worst day --in my whole life-

-Why does this have to happen?---Why can I NOT accept that I am now alone--no partner , to help me deal with "life"--My partner did all he could ---We were a team, facing the world--raising 5 wonderful people, and together, we enjoyed life, loved the pets---the children's stages and problems they faced, as they themselves faced life's challenges-- We loved each other---loved the kids  and  were so proud to help them face life---  "What to do with their lives?---"-----"What school to attend?"---"Who should they marry?"---and, "Were they doing the right thing , at the proper time?--"---  Lordy Be---  We loved these children------We loved each other--We  respected each other--We trusted each other--

And now, it is up to me, to carry on---alone---  and yes, I find it so difficult--Do I have any choice?--No----My partner--my best friend-----is not  physically  with me anymore----and I do feel like a fish out of water--flopping around, trying to to live a funny kind of life---alone--  

Other people have gotten thru this--I hope I can----but, in the meantime, I feel that I still need some kind of something--  son#2 says I must get "Amazon Prime"--on the TV--  watch a series --get interested -in that----so----I will do that--anything to stop the tears--

                                Lord love a Duck eh! ----  When do the tears ever stop????

                        So---  life must go on--I certainly do not want to be known as the"nut Job'---

                                     "being alive' is really a privilege"-----not given to everyone , ---

--UFO's dropping off their "NUT JOBS"-------a good reason to watch that "AMAZON PRIME!"---HMMMmmmm

Where did the time go???

 GOOD morning  YOU!  Yes--GET THAT LOVE INTO YOUR HEART! --It is September 16th--- and here we are! We are a part of this day----this world!----I just got up here---  I am dressed--I must feed Sushi---Are you feeling the love this morning???

                                    Could this be your day to go Feathers, Fluff, sand Fancy??--Well, ya never know eh?--  Right now I m in track pants and t-shirt--It seems to be my "norm"--these days--partly because Amazon ships the outfit right to my door--it might be nice to get out the Feathers-

                                Right now, I must get  the wee Lopez out--  in his jacket---we have sunshine--cool-ish out there tho--I did groceries yesterday--When going thru the cash, 2 very tiny white hair-ed ladies were standing waiting to talk to me--When I approached them, they said, "You moved back didn't you?"- I reassured them, that, "YES" I had moved back to Elliot here"--They nodded and told me that they were so happy I was now living here in Elliot Lake--They then told me they went to  my husband --He was their DR--I was happy for them--because they were so happy to see me--nice people here in Elliot Lake--

                --and here is the "real" Elliot Lake--LOL---  with a sandy beach--AND clean water---AND--hills in the distance--LOL--

Miss Sushi is doing well, by the way--She seems to live upstairs however--comes down here  in the night --I ran into one night in the kitchen--prowling around--She is a good cat--  Remember, I found her-a kitten-??---was "wild'--and lived under our bed (on Fred's side!)-for at least 6 mos----- and because she would not come out from under the bed, the litter box had to stay on Fred's side also------AND HE NEVER COMPLAINED!------  Fred really was an amazing man!

                                                    

 Fred was truly an amazing man!

        and---- now we are --"OLD"---

    Where on earth has the time gone--eh??

Of course I do live in the past now--Does everyone who has lost their partner??  Hmm----I wonder!

So, a new day--  I shall try to get  out of the past--live each day--- meet new people---and experience new adventures--It is a "must" -----Maybe if I really did get out the "feathers" etc, life might become interesting--Hmmmmm--Something we should think about--

Just don't be Weird!

Good Morning--It was kinda a crazy night--The TV went out--  A friend called and told me that a train had run over a cable , near here, so our TV stopped--And later on, I could hear talking in the living room--knew it was the TV , so came down to turn the volume down- Living away from  big time civilization,  causes all sorts of weird things to happen, I guess--All seems well this AM--

It was very warm  outside, yesterday--just like a summer day---and to-day is beginning the same--  and another odd thing that is happening here, is--the hummingbirds are still here--  very odd! They usually are packing up , and leaving this area  by the end of August--certainly by the end of September--But it has been a warm "fall"--  and I trust them to know what they are doing--

Gil, the gardener guy, was here yesterday to clean up the garden by the back fence--so, next Spring I can plant flowers where the weeds and tree roots were. and it was very hot in the yard where he was working--He also hung a new vacuum on te wall for me--a cheap version of the Dyson--  I bought it from Amazon and it seems very easy to use--I like it!--I just might give some of these away as Xmas gifts--I believe it ios made by "SHARP"!

                        so, I hope that you are  feeling happy to-day--ready to face the world--

---------after all, we do have the FREEDOM TO CHOOSE What WE Want To Do--the true luxuries in Life--which are, TIME, SLOW MORNINGS,  and, the FREEDOM TO CHOOSE WHAT WE WANT TO DO---

                                                         I hope that your day is the best ever-- 

 

Any ideas on coping ?---

 Good morning--  Hopefully to-day will be great-- (Well, One has to hope eh?)-Yesterday my day fell apart-early  in the morning, and I never got back on here--I hate that happening-

-The vacuum stopped working--  There was no "Himself " here to get it going---I ordered a new one--  a cheaper version of the one I had--then I could not get that one to work--took it to my daughter in law--who put it together in a flash- Bless her heart--Now I cannot get that one to turn on--I have my "workman" coming later in this AM to see what on earth I did wrong---I hate all that happening--Himself used to read the instructions, and put tings together, in a flash--Ask me if I miss him eh??--

I drove out to Son#1 last evening, wandering why on earth I wanted to go out there---  (I needed t talk to someone I guess)- They had gone out of town, but when I arrived at their house, Son #1 was there-----He made my day--told me to come in--He and his daughter were watching a hawk, high up over the lake, dive bombing a Canadian goose which cold not fly out of the water--must've been hurt by the hawk earlier--Those hawks, with the talons on their feet are  so strong--  He kept attacking the poor goose which could not get out of the water--(I suppose that is "life  eh---  animals preying on their food source)

When one lives alone, it helps so much to get ourself out of the house, and meet with people-----just to feel that other people care about you--I did go to that grief counsellor but I had the wrong day , so she made another appointment for next week--I really do need some pointers on how to cope with the world when one lives alone--  Do any of you have ideas?--I sure would love to hear them!

But, it is a brand new day--AND here we are, a part of it--  I must get Lopez out for his walk here--  It seems cool--but, yesterday it warmed up a lot--Hopefully to-day it will also!--So remember---

Hopefully your day ill be fabulous--  Send me any ideas that might cross yer mind, on how to deal with "old age" when  one lives alone--  other than, "GET OUT OF THE HOUSE" and 

"GO FOR A WALK"-------  I do need to hear from you--n We might be "GRAND mothers---  but--- we still are GREAT-----

Good Morning to all!

 It seems hard to wake up to-day--maybe b in here--because it feels cool in here-- I turned on the "fire"--Last night , we slept with no heat  to, and it was fine.  So, how are you feeling this "fall" morning?

Was it a good day yesterday?- I went out to Son#1's  house--brought Chinese food out there  so his wife did not have to cook----I think they are away to-day.--

Yesterday I went  for a visit with a Grief counsellor--I had the wrong day--Trust me to do that eh?--So, that appointment has been rescheduled for next  week--AND I HOPE I REMEMBER TO GO--AND ON THE RIGHT DAY!

Right now I must get Lopez out--I hear next wel will be unusually warm--nice!-So, I shall get back on here   sooner that you can say "Johnny Robinson"--Meanwhile---  little Lopez will keep an eye on yu!

I Wish Pets Lived Longer----

 

Good morning--  cool out there this AM.--Lopez and I have walked--AND_-HE DID HIS BUSINESS!   Whatta good little boy eh?---- But last night he  must've been tired--very difficult to deal with----snarky---  would've bitten me for sure--I could not get him upstairs--I finally left him in the living room, hoping he would follow me up--which he didn't-

Lordy be , Chihuahuas are not an easy pet to keep--  One has to REALLY LIKE them -also, have tons of patience with them so not to get bitten. He finally went onto his crate down here--on the main floor--and I knew then his  attitude had changed--I do not know whether it was my Himself and his cane ---was that the  beginning of Lopez attitude ---or is it justa Chihuahua thing??--I do not believe that "giving him away" would not help the situation--probably would make it worse--

Anyway---the first picture in this blog, is what the trees look like now--in the North----It is FALL--=  and ever so pretty--                                    

                                                                This was out at Dunlop Lake

To-day I am to visit a grief counsellor--  soon too--- I really hope it helps me--and I know it will-

-and I think it is me----

So--are you having a good day so far--It is early here--but, I feel  in my bones, that it will be a good day--

I hope that you make it a great day--

Doncha jess wish that pets lived longer??? I wonder why the good Lord made them pass so soon?--He must've needed them in Heaven--Do you think??--Maybe he knew that WE had to stay on this earth longer, just to get everything right--Well, ya never know eh??--

HAVA GREAT DAY --ALL OF YOU!

Time, Slow mornings, and the Freedom to Choose----

 As you must know, it has been busy here--The business began  yesterday, with the 2 cleaning Ladies--who moved stuff-----did a great job cleaning--'specially the bathrooms--but--  it made me very busy =--trying to  declutter--but, here I am--back--cut the cat's nails early this AM--so , my arms are all scratched-, up to my elbows--Sushi , the cat has a lot of "wild" still in her--does not like her nails trimmed--

So, in all the mix up , with "cleaners" , yesterday, I never turned on the computer--I will check comments when I get thru here-I missed you all--Do you think I will ever get unpacked, completely??--  It all seems like a hopeless mess at this point??--

Last evening, son#1,  had me there , at his house, for supper--It was delightful!--When you live alone, and eat alone, one doesn't really eat well---In fact, when I eat alone, I have no appetite--I look at my plate , and then , usually, pick the plateful of food up, and dump it in the garbage--Isn't that so wasteful?--And yet, last night at Son#1's , I ate everything--and--yes, of course, I do live in the past still, but--I really am trying --trying hard to live in the present--

 I am going to try to join things--like the Hospital  Ladies Auxillary--or--something to get me out of the house------dunno what that will be yet-----or some sort of club----I used to be able to leave the dogs with Himself--cannot do that anymore--I guess I will figure it out--

                                So, for now, until I read your comments, this will be "it" for to-day--

                                                

                                            ----the freedom to choose what you want to do--

                Remember when we couldn't do that , as we were weighted down with kids--or chores--??? 

                                Just think---  now we can choose what we want to do--

                                                    Lord love a duck! It is a luxury!

"I don't have the sense I was born with!"

 I am so sorry--  Yesterday I never got back on here--  I certainly meant to--  had an early appointment to see a grief counsellor--which I had to cancel, as the 2 cleaning Ladies who work at the Police station, appeared here early--so, even tho I was very happy to see them, my whole day fell apart--  and-that NEVER EVER has happened before--like-=-I FORGOT TO BLOG--I am so so sorry--  I think my brain is not right--too much crammed into it!--But, here I am---  I think my head is back on my shoulders-- both bathrooms are so shiny and clean--now--- but--  all you guys were left by the wayside--

    

so, in case you do not understand the above photo-I shall explain--  It's my new tiny dishwasher --IN THE LIVING ROOM  BESIDE THE PIANO--The new cleaning Ladies did that--  LOLOL---  The dishwasher is turned sideways--  and when I need to use it, I just roll it back into the kitchen, and hook it up to the water taps--Yu see, I only use it every couple of days----kinda crazy but it works--keeps the kitchen free--

Amazing what one does when one   lives in a "tiny house"--Below is what this tiny living room used to look like--

I am so sorry about yesterday--  My head  certainly wasn't working properly-- I never did get to see the Grief counsellor----Lord love a Duck eh?--

Last night , there was a knock on the door--and it was Son#3, inviting me to go to his house and eat with them, or just keep him company , until his wife returned from work--so--I went--It was so nice of him! AND  I watched some TV with him --had Lopez with me -----who loves going there to see Lola and Apollo, his 2 dogs.

I hope that when your day is not going as yu want it. just turn up that music, and dance-----It does put one in a better mode--guaranteed---

-                            

                        -a blast from the past--Himself with his younger brother, Murray----

I must get off of here-- I have missed you and I certainly am sorry that I lost my mind, yesterday--Try not to "lose" your mind--- 

                        Mom used to say, "You don't have  the sense you was  born with!"--

                                                            I'm afraid that was me, yesterday!

                                     Man oh man,   I shall try hard not to "FORGET THINGS--

                                        Good Morning everyone---

It has been a kinda a mixed up morning here--I was supposed to meet with a grief counsellor this AM-but, I have cleaning ladies due to arrive any moment--so, so much for the grief counsellor--Why is there always a lot going on , some days?--

Last night , I drove out to Son#1's home and he was sick--I always call him on the way, and he advised me to not stop in unless I wanted to get whatever he had--so, I made an abrupt turnaround---I shall go out there, later--(not to his house) but maybe to the dumpster with my garbage-I did stop in to visit Son#3 and his wife and his pets--That was kinda nice to hear about their daughters  at Universities in Southern Ontario, and how they are coping.

Here they all are, just before dropping the girls off at their Universities------  hard to do----I remember dropping off our children many years ago and I remember missing them so much--Sometimes it is hard to be a Mom!

I shall return -must get the bed made --  look for Miss Cat who will panic when the cleaning Ladies appear--

Memories are made of this--

                                        Good morning to you all--  quite cold here this AM--

I just walked Lopez  (him in his sweater)-I was trying to get out there before all the dog walkers--As in Lakefield, everyone has a dog--which is a great excuse to get out there walking--We met large dogs and a couple of tiny ones--all seniors who are out there with them!

So, as the lady above says, I do know a few things  about most things--but nothing about other stuff , but, I do know one thing about most things--I guess this is how it is at my age eh?--My Mom used to know everything about most things--I used to trust her judgement--although, sometimes I didn't agree with  her with everything she told me to do-and stuff I wasn't allowed to do--I trusted my Dad-and I did whatever he agreed It was alright to do whatever----I knew Dad would let me get away with a lot--As Mom used to say 

"You have your Dad wrapped around your little finger"-----I knew Mom really didn't like that!-----Kids know  who is on their side don't they?

        There is my Dad on the far left, holding my sister__I am standing behind my Mom--

                                                So, how did I ever get into all of that?--

Doncha jess wish you could meet your Mom and Dad --like--to-day?----that you could thank them for everything they did for you--apologize to them for some stuff also--I realize to-day, that they deservc a medal, for raising  me--for standing me up to face the world---

So, how on earth did I get into all of that?--I guess I have always wished to go back in time--to meet all the people who came before me--altho---  sometimes  I am told that I am like my Mother--????!!!!!!

I just dunno------

So, it is Son #4's  Birthday to-day--He was a boy who was never planned-- but, the best thing that ever happened to our family. Did any of you have one of those children??-- He had an imaginary friend , called "Buck"-- He would phone "Buck" (who was really his older brother's friends)- and he would chat away to them for hours-                                   

                                                          Make to-day the best day ever--

and, remember, to-day, to stay strong--

 

Awesome things might happen-

 Good morning--  just up here ---  cool-ish outside-- I had to run down and get that firebox going , early this am--it is very nice in here now!--So Lopez and I are down here-- Lopez on the sofa-- 

I was SO SO tired last night--It had been a busy day--went for groceries --  did a wash-- a few people (friends) dropped in to say hello--and, I drove the garbage out to the dumpsters at Dunlop , where we used to live--AND, went out to visit Son#1 and his daughter last evening--watched some television with him and his daughter, and drove back and dropped into bed, completely exhausted--

AND--  of course, I miss my "Himself--very much! When does one just accept a "death"?--I wish there was some way that he could let me know that he is fine--maybe even better than ever--????--a sign--a clue--????  Does that ever happen or does it just happen in books?

                                            AND, SOMEONE I KNOW IS IN HEAVEN------

                                                    I do miss him VERY MUCH-----

Here he is with Son #4

So, I shall carry on here ----One cannot change things-One must face each day , the way the "good Lord has planned--I guess!  I do know one thing however--  Our daughter is going to see Theresa  Caputo, in November-Do you think she can  Tell our daughter anything about  my husband?--Do you believe in her?--I certainly would love to know--Have any of you contacted Theresa?---Interesting isn't it?---

So, so much to think about--  "Fairy Dust""--  "Life and Death"--"The good Lord"---:==Hmmmmmmm!

Meanwhile, it is a new day--AND--HERE WE ARE --A PART OF IT"--So, I best get on witH it--the sheets are in the washer--Lopez is waiting to get out-- Oh--Did I tell you that I got my hair done--AT MY OLD HAIR DRESSER?_- and I now look like I used to--???__  There ios nothing in this world as good asd your same Hairdresser--

So--Get on with yer day-- If you see my Fred wandering around anywhere, please tell him I need to see him----I need to know that he is still hanging around!