Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Interpretive dance might be just the thing!

Do you know who you REALLY are??---Have you ever thought  about that???- I am trying to learn who I really am---I know who I am not--

  I am an older woman--- over 80 yrs--  I am married---but, now, --I am a WIDOW---  I am a Mother of 5 grown very nice people--Do I know a lot about myself?---  Yes, but I hate to admit some of the things in my life--I do know I cry a lot--now--- didn't used to--- You see I miss my Husband very very much -- who took care of me--I knew nothing would ever happen to me because he would  be with me, and protect me.-- I know he is not here right now-(But maybe he is and I just don't see him)--So, you see, there are a lot of things  that I don't understand anymore--which also scares me!-----So, maybe I do not really know a lot about myself--That scares me too!

It says above that it takes courage to grow up and become who I really am-- It sure does!----And that frightens me. Do I have the courage to keep going on--alone---Maybe that is why we have children --????----- I live now for my children-

-Son #3 was in this area yesterday and came over and Son#2 and I had supper together. with him. They made my day! I wanted Himself there with me, but---well, maybe he was with us----We couldn't see him, but inside both boys who were there, must be him??__ maybe----One day  we may find out --  Maybe??---We did have an empty chair at the table--

                                It takes courage to keep going on---and on----  but we do!---

This morning I took Lopez to have his nails trimmed--  also bathed him at home here.--  
And so, I continue on--  less than 2 months and I move back to Elliot Lake--I am excited---  It takes courage to go thru another move--  but--I sorta feel Himself might be hanging out there--somewhere---I wish the 2 of us had talked about dying--  You know, we never did----but-- I do know  that he loved Elliot Lake-- He  respected his patients --absolutely loved all his children--even got used to living with countless dogs--  so, I am hoping he just might help me with "the courage thing"--maybe stop my tears--and my fears  about life  on the  "missing him side"---

                It takes courage doesn't it--just to face who one "REALLY" is now--- and to actually embrace the "alone time"-


But you know--it just might be fun when people ask how you are doing--to just do some weird interpretive dance--- They might look at me "----funny" --but----------------Who really cares anyway??






 






 

 
 

10 comments:

  1. Greetings Lynda! I love your blogs. Just read all from last week. My son from CA was here for a week because his two brothers both had kids graduating from high school! His wife and son could not come because my grandson is still in school until June 11th! We had a great visit and it was so nice to have all my grown children together with me! So that is why I haven't been able to read your blogs. I am sad that you still cry - but certainly do understand why! I still cry, but not everyday and my sweet husband has been gone for six years! Sorry about the boxes being dumped on you! I am dreading moving back into my house in the fall. There will be so much to do! I am only 78 but I just can't do everything I used to do. Still cutting grass at both houses, weed whacking and trimming bushes. I really sleep well at night as I am bone tired! Maybe it is a good thing that I am so busy. I hope and pray that all is going well for you. Remember to just keep putting one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time! Hugs!

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    1. Sandra-- It is you--Last night I went to bed and re-read your beautiful book on being a widow--and trying o cope in such a difficult situation-- Thank you again for that tiny book full of so much about coping alone in this world--I cannot thank yu enough for that book!-- Yes--Keeping busy is an answer-- being thankful for the children--and carrying on in spite of the tears--Thank yu so much for writing--We WILL get thru this--Everyday I think--"Well another day--and I did it!"-- Big hugs my friend--You are doing it!-Lynda

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  2. Good morning, dear sis.
    Yes, I know who I really am. I am a child of God (Source energy), made in His image. He is like the ocean...I am a wave on His ocean...part of that Source energy.
    That wave on the ocean that is me experiences the good and the bad side of all in my life...trying to focus on the good so I get more of that.
    Someimes it's hard...like when you lose your soul mate or break your hip. All will be right in the end. I truly believe that, "everything always works out for me."
    I am happy you had a great meal with 2 of your kids. Family is so important. My daughter came yesterday to help me out a bit. Hope she will come back this weekend, too.
    While I was in rehab, one of my hearing aid wires came loose. It just broke off inside the hearing aid part. I have to order a new one.
    The friend who took care of Lucky just stopped in to see if there was anything I needed. That was nice.
    I am able to do a little more with a little less pain (and drugs) every day. That is gratifying.
    You will love it when you're back in Elliot. The time between now and then will pass quickly...let's hope.
    Good for you and Lopez for trimming his nails. I am lucky that Lucky takes care of his own.
    All for now, Lynda. Gotta order that replacement hearing aid before I forget again. I'll check back later. {{{HUGS}}} Love, Maggie

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    1. Maggie-- You are another good soul-- in pain but carrying on--always writing about your life and how yu do it!-- I do admire you--Yes--WE are a part of each other here-- I hope you got that replacement hearing aid-- Big Hugs--Lynda

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  3. Hi Lynda
    ..how nice you had dinner with 2 of your boys. Thats lovely.
    Stay busy. Get out. Great time to purge and pack.
    Have a great day.
    Big hugs and love
    Marge /St.Louis

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    1. Marge more rain about to fall here--but I have been busy with little Lopez so the day is passing--The good Lord gives us these little treasures--dogs--to keep us busy I am beginning to think--LOL--Lynda

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  4. Hi Lynda! I hope your day is going well. Happy you enjoyed dinner with your sons yesterday. I am sure it was wonderful. It is cloudy in Ohio today and the next few days with some rain. Little Lopez must be so much company for you. They help so much, don’t they? Stay strong. You know what your dad would say. Chin up…Not long until your move. Excited for you! Hugs!

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    1. Yes Dad sure would say-- Keep yer chin up!-- Lynda

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  5. Sounds to me as though the memory of Fred gives you courage, day by day, to carry on. Talking about dying is very hard for many, and for some reason, it seems harder for men than for women. You never know how long you have still ahead of you, but you get through each day as it comes and look for the bright moments!

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  6. Lynda,
    This is a great quote by Bob Marley that might be helpful to you.
    "You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option" - Bob Marley

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