Good day-and you must make it a good day--There is no-one but "YOU" who can make it that way--
I was chatting with a friend I had called , to ask her how she got over the grieving process--
AND---- you must be thinking, "Oh Yes. she can say that --- Easy for her to say"---but----- it has been a very difficult day here--In fact, I had to call a friend and admit to her, that I do not think I can keep going on----I miss my husband-- I miss having a purpose in life--to keep my husband going--and she told me , to take an hour at a time---
"I can do that"--I thought------
"So what are you going to do the next hour?" she asked me--
"Well", I said," I shall take Lopez out "----
"OK, and what about after that? she replied.
Well," "I may clean out the frig"--
"And you must think every hour out"she added--- until life becomes a habit AGAIN!
So, I now go, hour by hour--for now--
It seems to be working--I am busy and the stupid tears have stopped--
Life is special----I am used to that!-- Grieving is the pits!---And--- I know better----- but, how does one pull themselves from the depths of despair?--And how does one just carry on , by ones self?--So, ONE HOUR AT A TIME--until----- life becomes a habit once again---
Now, if I had my life to live over (which is not going to happen)-I certainly would talk over "What does one do when their partner departs for Heaven?---Why on earth did we never think about all this?--We were not "Spring Chickens"--
So, remember--ONE HOUR AT A TIME"---for now---
I CAN do that---
Lord love a Duck eh?
I think I've got it!
Lynda remember when you that registered nurse, caring for needed people and a single women
ReplyDeleteThat time starts again Love and hugs. You are a very strong lady with children to love and two animals. When you see an opportunity give a hug. Hug dog. Hug cat. Also hug Lynda
awwww so nice of yu--I try to be strong---but--sometimes it seems so hard eh--Yu are so good to write --I appreciate hearing from yu so much-Lynda
DeleteLynda, your friend gave you great advice. All we can do is focus on the present moment. You will still think of Fred, of course, but sooner rather than later, it will be with happy memories.
ReplyDeleteDid you go to the dance recital last night? I was hoping for photos...
I saved the joy meme. I will share it with my Law of Attraction FB groups and on my personal page.
Jo and I are determined to go to karaoke tonight. It all depends on how she feels. If she's bad, I stay home, too, in case she needs me. If she does, I don't want to be on the other side of town!
Lunch time now, sis. Hey, you can come clean out my frig when you're done with yours! {{{HUGS}}} Love, Maggie
Aww Maggie-- I'm learning to get thru the day--and the next day and the next--Yu are so kind to your friend --Hugs,Lynda
DeleteHope you are feeling physically better. As for grief, of course you miss your husband. You will always miss him. Your friend’s idea of one hour, one day, is a good one. But, for heaven’s sake, give yourself some time to figure out what being alone means and how you are going to learn to function and live as a single person. Nature is a great healer, so as the weather improves, get outside. See if there is a place seniors gather for lunch, and attend. I told myself after my husband died that other people have to deal with this, some folks have been alone all their lives, surely I can manage to function and find joy on my own, and for the most part, I do. You have been a competent, energetic woman all your life, so now it is time to spend that energy on keeping yourself going and doing what you can to enjoy this very precious short life we all have.
ReplyDeleteI hope you got to see your granddaughter dance. Remember, life has many ups and downs, and you just hit a very big down, but your husband would want you to keep on moving forward. Susan in Colorado.
Susan--great advice--Thank yu so much!-- I shall get a picture of this sweet little girl--Hugs, Lynda
DeleteGreat answer for her!
DeleteMy dear, it sure sounds like you have some depression going on, outside of normal grieving. Don't take this the wrong way, but perhaps you may want to look into some counseling. I'm worried about you! I've been in counseling off and on since I was in grade school, so I know of what I preach. I'm bipolar with generalized anxiety and SAD - seasonal winter depression. It helps, believe me, it does. Someone to unload to, as often as you need, and they are impartial. I always feel better when I'm at the therapist's. Hugs to you - Marti
ReplyDeleteWhat sound advice Lynda! If that what it takes, then so be it. Remember to do something nice for yourself and I hope you find a smile or two through your day. I do that hour by hour and sometimes minute by minute attitude with my diet. So far, I've lost 53lbs doing that. I wish you well today, hour by hour.
ReplyDeleteWow Yu have lost a great del of weight--Good for yu--It must help yu feel more energetic--Lynda
DeleteYou can do this! My son struggles with PTSD and depression, and sometimes THAT, too, is one hour at a time. Having a job, a mission, helps. But it doesn't have to be a life-long mission. The mission can be "take Lopez out"! Mini-missions, one hour at a time. Lopez and Sushi depend on you.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is s good thing that I have Lopez and Sushi-- They really have been company--Thanks --Lynda
DeleteLynda, God bless your friend for giving you great advice. Perhaps see if the Church you attended has a group for those dealing with grief. I know you like to read, so maybe join a book club at the library. Maybe see if there's an opportunity to volunteer at Church or the library or a Senior Center. Volunteers are needed everywhere and that would make you feel needed and a reason to get up in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better and no longer have a fever.
Maureen from California
Yeah I got rid of the fever--Thank goodness-- And I am looking at volunteering at the Church--Lynda
DeleteWhat fantastic advice to take it hour by hour, thinking about what you can doing that hour. Grieving is HARD WORK. VERY hard work.
ReplyDeleteTears are not stupid! They serve a function. They allow chemicals bult up in your body from stress and grieving. It is HEALING. So, cry when you need to! That’s the thing to do.
It is VERY hard to lose someone close, but your spouse . . . that is heart wrenching! So, do the best you can each day. DO cry. DO blog your feelings.
And it is wonderful that you called your friend to talk this over. THAT is a very lucky thing.
And, of course, being ill helps NOTHING.
Take good care of yourself. YOU are worth it.
Hugs
Barb
1cd
Thanks Barb-- Good advice--Lynda
DeleteWhat great advice, Lynda! Mini goals for each hour….brilliant! But remember, crying and mourning are also part of the process…it is a given fact that your world has been turned upside down because Fred was your purpose. Little by little, you will be able to find joy, peace, and contentment. Hugs, Eissa7. Karen
ReplyDeleteIt's Kathy. I love that advice, a very wise friend you have! And I'm going to use it myself. I'm not grieving a person, but I am grieving my ability to do all the thing I used to do! I miss that person. I'm healing, but it is such a slow process. It's cloudy here but quite warm. Daisy and I went for a little walk - I had hoped I could extend it but nope - once around the path is all I can do... still. Some day if I don't give up! You must give yourself grace. You did lose your entire purpose for the last several years, since himself retired. One hour at a time! I love love love that advice!
ReplyDeleteWell Kathy--The "One hour thing" hs worked to-day----Life is complicated isn't it??-- Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda! Hour by hour is all we can do. Your fur babies, friends and family all need you! You have so much purpose and you are so amazing! Enjoy each day, one day, one hour at a time. Eat a little ice cream! Cloudy in Ohio, thanks for the sunshine! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteSounds like your friend had a good idea with the one hour system, and having a plan. As you mentioned, learning to navigate life on your own, and not having a purpose when for the past several years you've done all the 'regular' stuff and taken care of Fred presents a problem on top of the grief. Being pretty sick exacerbated it. You'll get there.
ReplyDeleteI worked full time, raised my daughter alone; served heavily at church, walked with my daughter through cancer for several years, retired earlier than planned and helped my folks for several years, then dealt with their estate trust for a couple more. Then ... all at once I was really retired, and just couldn't seem to keep my motivation for healthy living. I wound up in counseling for a year and got the motivation back. But I still schedule my days. Because after so many years of being busy, being needed, looked to for help and mentoring ... no one needs me. I am still constructing this current chapter. If I don't schedule my days to some degree, I feel as if I've not accomplished anything, a little let down. I'm designing a self-study for myself in literary genre I enjoy (retired English teacher), I serve at church but a little less than before, I save up and take road trips large and small while I still can. I make sure to schedule coffee or breakfast out with girlfriends weekly, and if no one is free I go on my own; loneliness has been identified as a contributing to depression and cognitive decline in older people.
I just know you'll get there. I'm glad you're planning to volunteer at the church and hopefully you'll find something you really enjoy doing there. I agree with others; grief is a process and some days we can turn from a belly-laugh to tears in a heartbeat. But we're still here, so we have purpose and people to love. Happy Saturday!!
I'm glad the hour thing is working for you.
Hi Lynda, glad you reached out to a friend. She gave you a great message...hour by hour.
ReplyDeleteWere you able to see granddaughter perform?
Lynda, you've got to get out...a,grief group, senior center, some volunteer activity. You may have to force yourself at first but I think you'll find others going through the same thing.
It sounds like you're feeling better. Happy about that.
Hugs. Love and peace be with you
Marge/St.Louis
It sounds like your friend gave you some great advice. One hour at a time and one day at a time. Have you checked to see if there are any grief support groups near you? Maybe ask around, check local churches or google for groups in your area. It may helpful to meet with others going through the same thing. You were there for Himself, but you need to be here now for you. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteJackie