I still hope to return to Elliot --- as soon as an apartment becomes available there in the building I was hoping to go into--Any other ideas, you are thinking of, please write and let me know-- I sure am open to suggestions--I do feel like a lost soul-- I just feel that when I can return to my old stomping grounds, hopefully my mixed up memory will kick back into place-I still have to speak to the owner of this building to see if I can break the lease here---
Our daughter is still here--her hubby and her children arrive to-day and have rented a B@B close by---
I also hope I can get my old DR back--- have called the clinic--
The above picture is of the whole family---AND--the dogs--- Fred included--- kinda special---I finally figured out how to make it larger---
So, I shall get Lopez out---I see the sun shining--I wonder when one gets over this terrible feeling that I am "not really all here--my head is so mixed up--"---forgetful--- feel like I am going in circles--
If any of you have gone thru this, pleae let me know that you do eventually come out of this vety strange state- Lynda
Dear Lynda…. I believe it is normal what you are feeling. I think you will come through this the same way you managed all those other trials you had over the last few years. You are a very strong woman, and you will never know how much you have helped me in my own caregiving journey. I don’t write much because I often read your blog very late at night. I have also followed you since Spark days. One foot in front of the other, and rest as much as you can. You’ve been through a great deal for many months. Sending lots of love and prayers your way. I’m glad you have family with you now.
ReplyDeleteVicki from Mass
Vicki Thank yu for writing--I really appreciate you helping me decide what to do next--- Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda! It is only high 45 in Ohio today. So happy your daughter and family are there for you. I think you should come back with them. LOL Tommy and Kloi would love having Lopez to play with. The only advice I have for you is just follow your heart and take one day at a time. Oh, and eat ice cream along the way! LOL Hugs!
ReplyDeleteIce cream does seem like a great idea!--LOLOL--Lynda
DeleteLynda, allow yourself some time to grieve and adjust to all that has happened and the changes that will come. You don't have to rush to make decisions right away. Your Himself will always be with you, wherever you go. And your family is there for you. Jackie from Kentucky
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I can say is . . . would you have the help you need if you moved back to Elliot. Right now you have Matt and your DIL helping you a lot. You NEED that support. Would your other sons step up to the plate if you moved back there? Would you be able to handle getting everything changed AGAIN? Just things to think about.
ReplyDeleteGlad your sun is shining.
You will feel overwhelmed for a while to come! That’s another reason to maybe stay put . . . at least for now.
HUGS and peace and comfort
Barb
1cd
Oh Barb--I do not expect the boys to help-=-Matt is exceptional--but--they may kick in-- I guess I will see--- LOL--Lynda
DeleteAs a widow, I can tell you that time is a great healer, and you are very early in the process, so of course you are a mess. You need to take care of yourself, do the paperwork, etc that is required when someone dies, lean on your family ( so nice that you currently live closer to your daughter and that they are able to visit), and don’t make any big decisions for a little while because, trust me, your brain will be in kind of a fog these first few months. Looking back, I really don’t remember much of the year after my husband died. You seem to be in a hurry to move back to your old town, which I assume is because it is familiar to you, but was your only reason for moving to your new place your husband’s health? Or were you also thinking of you and your aging journey and what family members would be most helpful? Moving is a big deal, so, under the circumstances, you might want to wait a few months before making that decision. Having said this, you must do what makes YOU happy. I signed up and went on a hiking trip in Ireland six months after my husband died, had never traveled on my own, everyone thought I was nuts, but I proved I could do it and I had a wonderful time. Cried all the way home from the airport though, realizing I was coming home to an empty house. So, the first year is difficult, you will be a mess sometimes, but you are an amazing woman and you will survive and find your way. My heart goes out to you, as I understand how sad and difficult it is to lose your life partner.
ReplyDeleteOh you are so honest and right--so difficult each morning to face the day knowing that I am alone--I hope that changes---Thank yu for your input here-Lynfa
DeleteLosing your life partner is life shattering. I hate being a widow. I miss so many things - but, and it is a big BUT, you cannot go back. You cannot not live in the past. You must live your life going forward. One day at a time, one step in front of another. I think the response of the widow that posted right before me is right on....so I won't repeat many of the things she said...but she is right. Don't do anything rash right now. Give yourself some time. Moving again can be in the future, but for right now, I feel that it would even more overwhelming to you as you are still in shock over losing Fred. Your mind and thoughts will clear in time and you might find yourself looking at things differently. Sending you hugs and prayers!
ReplyDeleteSandra ---Thank yu for writing-and yes, I feel in a state of shock--Lynda
DeleteALICIA363
ReplyDelete(hug). One month, at least 30 days, before the heavy dark cloud of grief eases. Just my experience. (hug) Keeping you close at heart. 🙏🏻🫂
Hello, sis. Bright and beautiful here, too...but mostly cloudy. It is 10 degrees above freezing with a chance of rain.
ReplyDeleteThat one meme? I believe the Lord doesn't fight! The Lord is LOVE. "He" is loving and supporting you through the changes you are experiencing.
If getting back to Elliot is your true desire, I hope you can do it, BUT...I wonder how Matt will feel after all he has done for you in Lakeville? I know your other sons would like it.
There is so much to consider in this life, huh? But if you do return to Elliott you will be several hours closer to me! We may still yet get together in space and time this go-round.
We have Bingo today. Need to go the UPS store to have them scan something and email it to me so I can renew my (almost) free internet.
Lucky is asleep. I need to get going soon, but will check back later.
Whatever you do, Lynda, find reasons to BE HAPPY! {{{HUGS}}} Love, Maggie
You are not alone. Don't force yourself to "be busy," to do whatever you feel you should be doing. I seem to walk through the first month after a major loss in a fog, and then it lifts slowly, and then one day I am finding I am feeling the sun on my face and making small talk at the grocery store...things like that. The grief process is different for each of us. And as far as moving, don't make any major decisions this soon. You moved to Lakefield in the dead of winter and have no idea what living there will be like in the spring, summer or fall. Perhaps there are places to explore and potential friendships, senior gatherings -- you never know. And as was mentioned above, Son #2 has been there for you through all of this, unlike three others who rarely offered to help and weren't often available even when you asked. "They" say not to make any major decisions or moves during the first year after the loss of a spouse; don't rush your timeline. Sending love, Leslie
ReplyDeleteleslie---no major decisions the first year??_-Good advice!--Lynda
DeleteLynda, I don't know if perhaps you feel you are getting some dementia, or what - I am concerned about the "mixed up memory" comment you made. Whatever it is, I would stay where you will have the most family support, for at least a couple of years. It took me that long probably to settle down from losing my husband, and I didn't grieve him for a long time, because feelings are not what I do best, if at all. Just be kind to yourself, and lean on family, for now. -Marti
ReplyDeleteThe first couple of months after my spouse's death were also a bit foggy and unreal- brought back to reality with the chores of paperwork after a death, arranging for changes in accounts, pensions etc. I also resisted the urge to change living settings- thinking I would make a better decision after 6-12 months, a delay that turned out to be the best decision. I did NOT move but objectively looked at what options there were in each setting as I age. Transportation is huge as is back up care for pets, basic needs (groceries), easy access of health care. My heart goes out to you at this time, huge your kids and little Lopez.
ReplyDeleteIt's Kathy. I love the photograph of your entire family. You and himself created a wonderful group of people! And dogs!! I can't imagine how difficult all this is for you. From my perspective, since I've known you it seems your entire focus was taking care of himself and your beautiful home in Elliot Lake - so I would imagine not having that responsibility right now feels very strange. If you would feel better returning to Elliot Lake, than that is what you should focus on - don't second guess yourself. I'm glad your daughter and her family are with you right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you every day!
ReplyDeleteI cannot say how long it will take, but some kind of "new equilibrium" will return in the wake of a loss. And every loss is different, and every loss is similar, but losing your life partner and parent to your children? Yikes... world upside down is not an over statement.
ReplyDeleteTake your time, and if things seem confusing on a given day, avoid making huge decisions, let yourself sleep on them!
I feel I must echo the advice of so many of these people. I do not believe it is the best thing to do to major changes just now. When you were in Elliott you had the large house and yard to take care of as well as your husband. For all of this you had very little assistance from the family. If you go back now, what makes you think that you would receive any more help. You are also getting older and will need assistance as time goes by. Big decision that you should not jump to make. Give your present place time - you haven't had decent weather to get out and see the town yet. Elliott will never be the same as it was in the past with the changes in your family. All the kids have grown up and everyone has a new life of their own. Many thoughts to go through you mind. Be patient - it takes time. Dot
ReplyDeleteI love the family picture complete with dogs.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear your daughter and her family are with you.
Being foggy is normal...how long it takes....different for everyone. I'd advise not to make any big changes until things and emotions settle down. You'll have a lot to figure out in the future. Matt and DIL have been so wonderful...I hope you'll have that same support from the 3 sons back in Elliott. Take things a day at a time....do what you must do but no major changes until you feel more like yourself.
Sending big hugs and prayers.
Marge/St.Louis
Wow Lynda, as I read all the responses to this blog, you have some very sound advice. I know you want things back to the way they were. I would heed everyone's advice and let time heal you for a bit. Don't jump into something that will not work out for you. You really haven't gotten settled into this apartment. I'm sure you have a million thoughts running through your mind right now. As prepared as you thought you were for this day, you're not. You're still in shock and it takes time for you to return what your new "normal" will be. Time being the key word here. I know everyone is has their opinion, but I think I would read each reply over and over again, giving weight to each one. Everyone here cares for your well being including me. Keeping you in my prayers for God to give you peace, strength and the wisdom to do what is best for you.
ReplyDeleteI lost a daughter to cancer. I was a mess for 3 or 4 months. Forgot meetings at work, locked my keys in the car, etc. etc. It does get better. In my opinion we never get over these losses, but we learn to live with it and we go on. You will go one. Just don't rush into any decisions. Realize your mind is scrambled and give yourself a break. I'd wait a while before moving just to give yourself time to get back to normal and make wise choices.
ReplyDeleteGood day Lynda Wishing you a day filled with love and blessings!! Donna_cps2
ReplyDeleteh Maureen--Yu pray for me??-- That is so nice! Thank yu---Lynda
ReplyDeleteLynda, I am joining the others who have commented about taking your time making any big decisions, such as moving back to Elliot Lake. It used to be that people observed a year of mourning for their loved ones, and that practice came about from lots of years of experience.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like our modern life style expects quick reactions to everything, but our minds and bodies need time to process new happenings. So, take your time in considering what changes to make in your life since you have been handed such a huge change in a very short time. Merrilyn
Hi Lynda: I have to agree with the rest that you shouldn't make any moving decisions yet while you are not clear-headed yet. Matt has been so helpful to you since you have been there. The others were never very helpful in all the time when you could have used help. If you need extra medical help yourself Peterborough is much closer for getting it. You need to get to some seniors groups and meet people so you will enjoy it there more, Hugs Brenda
ReplyDeleteRD in AZ here I feel that you should give it a bit and remember how things were in Elliot the good and the bad the easy and the hard remember how the boys there were about helping out remember that it was harder for your daughter to come visit remember that Matt and his wife are helpful where you are remember how hard it was to move and get things set up take some time stay out the lease and see how it goes you may learn to love it there it was the last place that Fred was with you in person
ReplyDeletethere are just so many pros and cons to look at But most important give yourself time to heal
My dear friend (I really feel that way) Lynda: I freely admit to carrying my brain around on a yellow legal pad for several months after my husband died. It’s sound advice, as others have said, to not make any major decisions for a year after such a loss as you have had. I waited over a year before I decided to move halfway across the country to Florida, and I don’t regret either the wait or the move. Please give yourself time for your brain to reset after such a shock. I keep you in my thoughts and prayers, dear lady.
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