-I survived another bad day-- Praise be to God---and to my friends --and my son--because, they helped me thru yesterday--Yesterday was not my best day--in fact , it was probably my very worst day --in my whole life-
-Why does this have to happen?---Why can I NOT accept that I am now alone--no partner , to help me deal with "life"--My partner did all he could ---We were a team, facing the world--raising 5 wonderful people, and together, we enjoyed life, loved the pets---the children's stages and problems they faced, as they themselves faced life's challenges-- We loved each other---loved the kids and were so proud to help them face life--- "What to do with their lives?---"-----"What school to attend?"---"Who should they marry?"---and, "Were they doing the right thing , at the proper time?--"--- Lordy Be--- We loved these children------We loved each other--We respected each other--We trusted each other--
And now, it is up to me, to carry on---alone--- and yes, I find it so difficult--Do I have any choice?--No----My partner--my best friend-----is not physically with me anymore----and I do feel like a fish out of water--flopping around, trying to to live a funny kind of life---alone--
Other people have gotten thru this--I hope I can----but, in the meantime, I feel that I still need some kind of something-- son#2 says I must get "Amazon Prime"--on the TV-- watch a series --get interested -in that----so----I will do that--anything to stop the tears--
So--- life must go on--I certainly do not want to be known as the"nut Job'---
"being alive' is really a privilege"-----not given to everyone , ---
--UFO's dropping off their "NUT JOBS"-------a good reason to watch that "AMAZON PRIME!"---HMMMmmmm
Good Morning Lynda,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you are going through losing a spouse. I know it must be hard to navigate the world alone after having a partner by your side to go through it with for so many years.
I do hope the grief counselor will be of help and maybe check into joining some kind of club or group to give you a hobby, a purpose and allow you to meet new friends.
You will never not miss Fred but you have to move forward while keeping him in your heart. I am sure that is what he would want you to do.
It will get easier.
Hugs,
Jackie
Thanks Jackie--Yes the grief erson will have ideas-- Lynda
DeleteWhat advice would you give someone else in your particular situation?
ReplyDeleteI would say, be gentle with yourself you have been thru a lot this past year BUT you ARE alive and must function. Join anything that remotely interests you as a volunteer to give you a purpose and gets you out with people! Just a few hours a couple times a week will make a difference.
I cannot imagine your grief but Fred would want you to be the strong woman you’ve always been. It will get easier with time. ❤️ Karen (Eissa7)
Yes Fred would want me to continue to be busy--active--be out in the world--so--I must--Lynda
DeleteDear Lynda - So sorry yesterday was such a sad day for you. It is understandable that missing Fred can feel so raw. The two of you shared an incredible relationship with ups and downs and many joys. And he became your focus the last few years as you began to worry about his health. I wish I had some new advice or words of wisdom. I know time will help, but time takes time and it just hurts so much right now. Please comfort yourself knowing that you and Fred shared a wonderful life. You were a dedicated partner and spouse. You filled Fred’s life with love and family. I’m glad your sons are there to help you through this. Hopefully today will be an easier day. Hang in there friend.
ReplyDeleteThank yu so much for writing--Yes I need ideas--life certainly is not the same anymore--I now being with other people really does help-- and seems necessary--Lynda
DeleteHave you ever considered joining the day program that himself attended before you moved last fall? That might help you to be around other people PLUS its a meal! Worth considering.
ReplyDeleteWhatta great idea-- No, I never considered the day program--But--I know he enjoyed it--loved it really-- only twice a seek--bu it was his time-=-I will thnk about this for sure--Lynda
DeleteWow, this is the BEST idea. In assisted living and in nursing homes, they have social programs, but you don't have a program, living alone as you do. All you can dwell on at home is sadness, just sitting around. So you must FIND a program! You will feel so much better! Anyway, I'm definitely not the best person to turn to about feeling alone, as I PREFER alone, and have trouble understanding, but yes, go out and seek! Even if you think you won't like it. Try! What have you got to lose???
DeleteMarti
It's Kathy. I'm so sorry that yesterday was such a bad day. But you survived it! It's hard for me to even imagine spending a lifetime with someone by your side in all things and then to have to figure it all out on your own. My first husband of 23 years was not a partner to me and was not the best father to our 5 children. My husband now tries to be a good father to our 6 children and a good husband to me, but because our lives only started 31 years ago we have lived rather separate lives all along. I would say what others have, be gentle with yourself. You will have bad days and that's understandable. I like all of the ideas others have suggested, especially the day program at the same place where himself went. You are a social person and you need people to be social with. I have just subscribed to Up Faith and Family, another app with TV shows. Right now I'm watching a series titled Hudson & Rex - and Rex is a beautiful german shepherd who is a trained police dog. I could sit and watch Rex perform hour after hour. But there are other shows on this app - Heartland is one that I love. 18 seasons of living on a horse farm in Canada! I'm not sure how it would work with your TV, but perhaps one of your sons, or one of your grandchildren, could help you find some of these. And do you knit? or crochet? Might be something you could take classes in - that helps me so much. I'm wishing you a happier day today!
ReplyDeleteDeaR YOU Kathy--ThAnK YU FOR THOSE IDEAS_-Yes I shalL TRY TO GET INTO DIFFERENT THINGS-- Thank yu so much for writing--Lynda
DeleteSending hugs and telling you again that grief gets better with time. The first year is extremely hard and I remember that I finally had to tell myself around month 5 that my husband was not coming back, so I better figure out how to live alone and still find some joy in my life. I see friends, do puzzles, play word games , go to concerts, sometimes just attend the local high school productions, work two days a week at a gift store, and try to get outside and enjoy nature. I also travel occasionally, sometimes with a group, sometimes on a roadtrip by myself. Anyway, you learn to make it work and the tears eventually dry up. As for Amazon Prime, I don’t have that, but I enjoy Britbox or Acorn for the British mystery series they have. They are fun to watch for a couple of hours a night. Hang in there. You can do this. You will miss your husband every day, but you eventually stop crying. Susan/Colorado
ReplyDeleteSusan--Dear You! --Thank yu so very much for writing-- I appreciate hearing that eventually I will accept that Fred is not coming back ((as if eh?)-Yu did a lot--Good for yu--and yu survived the grief-- Thank yu so much Susan--and, I am sorry your husband died--Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda
ReplyDeleteAs has been offered many times, you'll never "get over" your loss but you must get out and get involved to help with crying.
I know I mentioned the Lodge before. If nothing else...volunteer there or have lunch there..
Doing things FOR and WITH others takes you out of yourself....and you're not alone nor dwelling on your loss.
You've mentioned before that you didn't want us to suggest going out to volunteer or find a club but I don't know of anything else to suggest.
Hugs
Marge/St.Louis
Awwwwww, ****HUGS**** It is soooo difficult to have had such a wonderful partner, then to be alone. I am glad at least that your made it through the day.
ReplyDeleteHope today is a little easier for you. So glad at least you have Lopez and Sushi. They love you, too.
Know we’re only a blog away, not that it’s like a real-live person, but we listen and CARE!
hugs
barb
1cd
Hi Lynda! I’m so sorry you are feeling upset. I hope today is a little brighter. Big hugs from Ohio! Get some chocolate ice cream soon!:)
ReplyDeleteGood morning, sis.
ReplyDeleteI know you often have bad days. I like your son's idea for Amazon Prime. Then you can get Prime's UP Faith and Family and watch Heartland!!!!!
It is filmed in Canada (I forget which Province). It has about 17 seasons and is one of my favorite shows.
Please have him help you get Prime and and UP Faith and Family with Heartland! You will love it so much!
Getting my hair cut today and helping 'Becca with hers. (she has to reborrow the $20 she borrowed before and pait me back).
Big sink of dishes to do, too. I would say laundry, but I don't have much. We are down to 1 washer and 1 dryer again for 21 apartments!
Lynda, when a sad or otherwise bad thought enters your mind PIVOT to a thought that feels better. That trick gets easier the more you do it.
I'll check back later, of course. Breakfast now. {{{HUGS}}} Love, Maggie
Hi Lynda: As others have mentioned, you need to go out and get involved in different things. You have a lot of suggestions that have been put forward. Also volunteering at your local hospital which I think has been mentioned before would be good for you. Some patients would have known him and may comment about him which would get you involved more. I think most of us would agree that you have t get involved in something that keeps you from grieving around the house by yourself. The grief counsellor probably has lots of suggestions too. Have a good night and remember we are all on your side! Hugs Brenda
ReplyDeleteMaybe you need to look in to volunteering somewhere. Maybe you are spending too much time alone. Maybe if you felt you were needed and had something to do it would really help you.
ReplyDeleteMy husband passed in January of 2024. I am 81. I still go to work everyday. People ask me when I’m going to retire. My answer is what would I do at home all day. Yes I am now sole owner of the business we started 31 years ago but I have a purpose. Think about it,
Good luck to you. With your background I’m sure there are a lot of places that would welcome your help.
There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. Washington Irving
ReplyDeleteThere's something about grief... whenever another loss hits the news, it rips open your own all over again. As the line in Sleepless in Seattle said, "you keep getting up, and breathing, another day, until you get to the point of not having to remind yourself to get up, and breathe"... I thought it was a good way to express it. I remember several losses over life where I would wake up in the morning and just wish it had all been a bad dream, but of course it wasn't.
ReplyDelete((( hugs )))