This is Himself-- who has been terrible this morning--to me! -- #1. He can't hear and refuses to wear his hearing aids--#2. He sits in the kitchen ALL day watching TV_-says if he moves he will fall---told me if he were in a nrsy home, he could sit all day----Yu know, I don't believe he could even get into a Nrsy home--There must be a waiting list--and if he could just stop putting me down, life could be so much easier here!-----His whole personality has changed so much--So, that is what I am dealing with, with him--at least for to-day--
If Queen Elizabeth could just remove me from here--even for a day, I would sure enjoy life more--(That's not going to happen is it?--)
I'm so sorry, Lynda. You are a wonderful person and you are having to deal with so much! I know you understand that it's his illness that makes him so difficult, but I also know that doesn't really help when you're in the middle of it. Please know that you have our love and support.
ReplyDeleteBless you Lynda! You are going through so much, but it is good that you understand that this is all part of his dementia. Arguing with him is futile.....so just try to go with the flow and let his anger go in one ear and out the other. You are doing a great job in caring for him and your household and your animals. You are a strong and capable woman! Keep putting one foot in front of the other - taking one day at a time! So glad you can vent in your blog! You know we all love and support you!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this roller coaster ride you are on. My heart goes out to you, robbed of the friendship and joy that was your marriage. Don't carry this load alone, find a support group. It will help. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you or someone has checked out places where he will Have to go at some point. Now is the time, if there is an emergency, you don’t want to pay hospital bills to have him kept for his own safety. And yours, too. And what if you suddenly had something happen? This kind of thing needs to be arranged now. Or you will be miserable more and more often, I don’t think Himself would want this for you. It’s a bummer though, of course. Watch out for yourself!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry Lynda. I do understand. I'm dealing with similar situation at my house, however, my hubs isn't verbally mean. You ate strong and handle it ALL. Try to detach and leave the area as much as you can to protect yourself. Try not to engage. I'm glad that venting helps you, if even temporarily. Know that we love you. Hang in.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
Hugs
What a difficult situation for both of you…but, I think it’s much worse for you since you are I in charge of everything!! So…sending love and support to you❤️ Eissa7
ReplyDeleteI would talk to his Dr. there must be something he can take to ease the person insults. Also, you need to check with the assisted living and get on the waiting list. So sorry you are going through this, know that many people care about you.
ReplyDeleteOh, Lynda, I'm so sorry. ((hugs)) When is the caregiver-assisted starting?
ReplyDeleteThe only good side of Himself having such a bad morning is...it will pass, and he will be more like 'himself' for a time.
ReplyDeleteI have a 'sister of my heart' (my daughter's mother-in-law) who is dealing with similar issues. My daughter and her husband went to try to help her recently. She is very close to not being able to handle him any more. He is a veteran, so I gave her some information that may be able to help. I am a veteran, too.
Find something, dear Lynda, to feel good about. I'll be thinking of you all day.
{{{HUG
Lynda, we are here to listen and support you, so VENT all you need to..if we could help I am sure most of us would.....I think you are going to have to look in to a nursing facility, because this is taking a big toll on you physically and mentally.....he is not the Himself you always knew.At least look in to a day care for seniors, perhaps it would help both of you. Sending love ...
ReplyDeleteHugs for you! I really feel for you and your situation. I thought you had said before he was mostly bad at night. . . things are changing if he starts the day bad. Please take care of yourself and vent anytime . . . more than a blog a day if you have to.
ReplyDeleteSending love to both you and Fred. You know this isn't really him, his aging has changed him drastically. Stay as strong as you can my friend, try hard not to take anything personally because you know Fred has been a good man, a good husband for these many years. He cannot help the changes to his brain.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are a special person and are loved by so very many, by Queen Elizabeth herself, I'll betcha. xoxoxo
Oh my goodness . . . where to begin. A hug first of all. Definitely. YOU NEED THAT.
ReplyDeleteMy parents lived with us for 2 yrs. and we had taken care of her on weekends for 3 yrs. prior. When she was diagnosed w/Alzheimer’s I knew in my heart I had to have something planned for if/when (really WHEN) she became unmanageable. I researched and visit several memory care facilities in our area (all within 5-10 minutes of here).
As I turned out, both she and Dad had medical emergencies, Dad was diagnosed w/dementia as well, so there was absolutely no way legally they were going to allow either of them to come back home w/us. So, fortunately, I had a good relationship with one administrator W the memory care facility they entered and they were able to be transferred upon discharge from the hospital. I KNOW he pandemic has changed those dynamics a LOT. So, I would definitely encourage you to look @ places, take whomever of your sons will go with you and get Himself on the waiting list.
HUGS and blessings, my dear. You’re doing the best you can.
barb
1crazydog
I think about you too. You need to get some kind of help. See if there are any local support groups of some sort that help people cope with these issues. Unfortunately a lot people get alzheimers/dementia so there needs to be some group to help people out. Maybe there are some that can come out to the house while you go out or places you can take Fred to for a few hours. You can't continue to do it all by your self or you will wear yourself out and won't be able to look after anyone or anything. We all think about you and I wish you luck.
ReplyDeleteJust...hugs.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteTickle those ivories whenever you get the chance to relax. Time to be proactive in lining up help for now and the future -- daunting but necessary!
Since Fred is so fearful of falling I would imagine the stairs are especially frightening for him. Any way you can relocate him to one level of the house? Not an original thought -- I read blogs about 'engaging with aging process' by a 100-year-old woman who lives in a two-story + basement home her now deceased husband designed and built over 70 years ago.
I read your blog daily but don't always comment.
(((HUGS)))
PS - She no longer goes upstairs or downstairs. PHOENIX1949 here.
DeleteHugs, Lynda! Hope tomorrow Himself has a better day, because if he does, you will! It's not easy!
ReplyDeleteBasic care for a Nursing Home in Ontario is 1,896 a month first off. You need to get a Care Coordinator through his doctor to fill out the forms to get him on the list and no the Nursing Home will not let him sit all day, they make sure their residence move and get some activity.
ReplyDeleteSorry!! Marnie Allie has good advice!
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Hope that your day gets better. Life can be so challenging. We are here for you. Give your dogs an extra hug from me and a hug for yourself.
ReplyDeleteJacquie
I agree with many who have mentioned looking into longterm care now, so that you can make wise transition decisions financially and for both of you health and quality of life-wise. It is common for caretaker spouses to die before the spouse with dementia due to the stress and workload. In the end, you need to make the best decisions for your husband and yourself. We can encourage, but you are the one with the power to make the decisions. Take care.
ReplyDeleteOh Lynda this must be so hard. I hope you can remember the young man you fell in love with. It's in there somewhere.
ReplyDelete