Sunrise---- a picture from Son #2--from Mexico I think---I have been raking--between rain drops--- It is a good day to get outside. ---I am sad to-day--Our daughter called from Ohio and has been very angry about the care I am trying so hard to give her Dad--She has not seen her Dad in about 3 yrs.She also said that people are calling and writing her , from here, saying that I am not caring for him properly. It broke my heart--I told her that if she could do better, please come and help me out--There is not a lot of help dealing with dementia--or whatever it is--
She said that she will come--and for me to leave.---- very sad! ---So, whatever happens, I just cannot be very "up" to-day-- Days here are extremely busy---and I feel I do the best I can--- Whoever is calling her and telling her all this, should spend a day in my shoes.
Big Hugs for you. I feel bad that your daughter does not acknowledge what you are doing and the strain it has been for you. A lot of your friends here have been in your shoes in some way or other, either by having a spouse or another close family member with dementia or Alzheimer's. It is sad that sometimes our children are just that still children when we need them to be adults and help us carry the burdens. Can your sons talk to her and help her understand what you are going through?
ReplyDeleteDear Lynda, I am sad that your daughter called you to tell you that you are a terrible abusive care giver to her father when she has not visited him in three years! She has NO IDEA what you and your sons have been dealing with trying to care for a dementia patient. You are doing the very best you can. It is not easy to care for dementia or Alzheimer's patients. I am not a nurse, but I was a caregiver to my MIL and SIL and it is so very hard to experience your loved one's decline. The dementia person does not understand what is happening to them. I know you are doing the best you can for Himself. ((Hugs)) Pat
ReplyDeleteGentle hugs! It's not easy! This from someone who walks in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are going through this. Just take it one day at a time and do what you can. As for your daughter, shame on her. I have always said that you love your children and make sacrifices for them but they grow up and become strangers. Thinking of you and sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteMany hugs and prayers. Family differences in the face of issues like demential just add to the burden. Your friends online are "in your corner".
ReplyDeleteOh my word SORRY but your daughter needs a talking to. How dare she . How dare the people that are complaining How do they know what it is like. I do .. I looked after my mother and sister. It is DIFFICULT to care love a person with dementia. Please phone the alzheimer society and get the help you need. Sorry you are dealing with this by yourself. Love to you
ReplyDeleteTo be judged by someone who didn't even believe Himself had any problems a few months ago, and said you were making it all up ... to suddenly all this. My mind boggles, as I'm sure yours does. If she does come up, I think it's really important - for Himself - that you stay. I think it would horribly confusing to him if you weren't there. You may have to lay down the law about that because the last thing you want is for himself to feel abandoned by you. He might not even know his own daughter. And leaving in that instance would be awful for everyone involved. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this while also trying to cope with everything else.
ReplyDeleteOh Lynda, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. Your daughter does need to come and visit. She has no idea what you are dealing with. She will watch and she will learn.
ReplyDeleteLynda I am so sorry to hear this! I am sending prayers your way.
ReplyDelete((Big hugs))
ReplyDeleteSounds like that daughter of yours is depressed and does not know it yet. Maybe her husband is messing with her mind. How dare she not believe what is going on with her father? Yet believe people who have not even seen her father at all. She needs to go into counseling or something.
ReplyDeleteThe people talking to her just do not know what you do and how difficult a job it is caring for your dear Himself! If she comes to do it, she will see. Maybe you can get away for a long weekend to relax and refresh. If you are able to do that...LEAVE THE WORRIES BEHIND. Though I know that can be hard to do.
ReplyDeleteWe are all praying for you, dear.
I can't believe she could be so cruel and heartless. And how would she know what's going on. Do her brothers talk to her and tell her the truth? If not, perhaps that would be a start since she doesn't believe you. And if she cares so much about himself why isn't she here looking after him instead of making accusations from afar? You do the best you possibly can and all your friends here believe that. Sit down for a bit and play the piano to help you feel better. We are all thinking of you and praying for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Lynda, I am so sorry. I hope one of your sons can call and talk to her and tell her what is really going on that you are doing the best you can do. .
ReplyDeleteI know someone said this on here and I don't remember who it was. But they made a very important comment if your daughter does come YOU MUST STAY home with himself. You are his rock at the moment and if you leave that will really confuse him. Yes it is really hard being his full time caregiver. Praying that you have the strength to continue providing all the loving care you have been doing.
Maybe your daughter should talk to himself doctor.
Praying for you, himself, and your daughter.
You ARE DOING AN AMAZING JOB!!! Don't listen to your daughter she is not there seeing all you are doing for him and keeping the house running. Let her walk in your shoes for one day and I bet her tune would change ASAP.
Of course I will stay-- but--- it does hurt to think that she feels I am "doing him in"--- Isn't it a crazy world?-- Lynda
DeleteOh my…that must break your heart as well as make you very angry! I hope that she comes soon and experiences her Dad’s decline first hand…so easy to judge from afar! It’d be wonderful to have some help, huh?! I have no words of wisdom, but I truly believe that you are doing your very best to keep Himself as safe and healthy as possible as well as keeping everything else under control! ❤️ Hugs, Eissa7
ReplyDeleteIt is hard eh?--- Hopefully she will understand one day-lynda
DeleteOh Lynda, I am so sorry that your daughter talked to you that way. The bond between mothers and daughters can sometimes be so strong and other times be so contentious! You ARE taking very good care of Himself and all of us reading your blogs every day can attest to that. I think you are one of the strongest women I know and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be able to do what you have done for so long now. I'm sure she is speaking out of fear for her dad but that does NOT give her the right to be so disrespectful of her mother. And I can see right here that there are so many people who know what a great job you are doing! My own experience with my oldest daughter can sometimes be truly awful with her telling me all the things I am doing wrong. Over the years I've hung up on her more times than I'd like to remember. We are finally working on letter her be her while I get to be me. I hope your daughter apologizes to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm afraid I hung up on her --- I don't feel that she knows what she is talking about--but it sure hurts-- Thank yu for yer support-Lynda
DeleteIf she has not seen her dad in 3 years, maybe she could visit. Is she telling you this on the phone or by text? Best wishes to you as you go through this. I know it must be difficult.
ReplyDeleteIs it one of your sons who is telling your DD these things? That would be hard to believe.
ReplyDeleteYOU are Himself's rock and always have been! He really needs you and you are THERE for him.
I am so utterly sorry that your daughter said that to you. **SIGH** Definitely breaks the heart in pieces.
Sending hugs and love. You are a rock, a gem, a strong woman. You deserve nothing but praise for the care you give Himself. And trying to get help so the care he receives is even better -- that is to be applauded!
hugs
barb
1crazydog
Barb thank yu--- Son#2 called this evening telling me to ask daughter dear, what will happen to her dad if I leave, as she told me to- - Thanks Barb--I appreciate yer support-Lynda
DeleteMy heart breaks for you. Am I right that your daughter is a nurse and her husband is a doctor? Surely they must be familiar with people who have dementia. Do you suppose she is not anxious to come home for a visit because she may have to admit that her father is not the same as he used to be. Whatever you do, don't put yourself down. You are doing the best you can do and I don't see a whole lot of family stepping up to help. The time will probably come when you can no longer handle things on your own and that is okay too. You are only one person and can only do so much. Just having a friend stay with Himself while you go out is not necessarily the answer. The person should be qualified to take care of dementia patients. Here we have a program through the hospital called "Day away". We also have respite care available. In a place like Elliot Lake full of senior living I would think there are a number of people going through the same thing as you are. You need to get in touch with someone to find out what sources are available for you. The reallity is things will not get better. As hard as it is to handle he will only continue to decline. You need someone who understands and can help now. I'm so sorry if I am coming across harshly, Lynda, but it just hurts me to see you hurting.
ReplyDeleteOh Willow--I cry--- No yu are not coming over harsh-- Yu are saying it the way it is and I thank yu for that! --My son the Pilot called this evening from Chile-- (on a flight)_ Our daughter told me to leave--- He said to ask her who will look after her dad When I leave-- that his Dad can't live alone --- He --and yu--make me feel better-Thank yu--
DeleteIt won't let me change to my Google account, so I must remain "Anonymous," I'm afraid. All I want to say is "Hugs." And I'm sorry but your daughter sounds like a world class you know what!
ReplyDeletemy heart is just breaking for the pain that you must be feeling I never would have been the one to tell my sister that she was doing something wrong in her care for our mother I was not there and she did a fantastic job I pray that my sisters and brothers never feel that I did not do enough for our father I am doing my best and that is all I can do I pray that your daughter does come and that she does try to do what you do and is able to see it for herself I am positive that you are doing what is best for him and that in his own way he knows it if others feel that they could do better let them come help out and give you the break
ReplyDeleteI can't believe that your daughter would talk to you that way. She has no idea what is going on and how her dad is really acting. How can someone that hasn't seen either of you for three years have so much to say and know so little. You are doing the best you can and checking in with doctors to help Himself. My thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteIt is so sad that there seems to be always one family member that will not believe what is happening and the only thing they can seem to do is attack the person taking care of the loved one. You are doing so well and the best you can. This is a hard time to care for the man you love who is no longer that man and non-supportive people are no help. Huge hugs!
ReplyDeleteI'm terribly sorry to hear that your daughter decided to believe those who know NOTHING about what is going on. I know that hurt you.
ReplyDeleteLet it GO
Move on
Hugs dear Lynda
May she never have to walk in your shoes. This is heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteLynda, I don't think she realizes how much he has gone down hill in the last 3 yrs when she did not bother to visit. She also does not want to believe their is anything wrong with her Dad.
ReplyDeleteWHATEVER happens when she does get off her high horse and come, don't leave Fred because he will be terrified with you gone. He knows you and it will possibly cause him to go to worse.
Have the boys talk to her. She has no idea what you go thru every single day trying to keep him well and cared for.