Aging , as we all know , is not for the faint of heart-- I think we have all have heard this expression-- and when you live with a husband who has always worshiped the ground you walk on--and then, he changes, through no fault of his own, ---all he has done, is age--- His hearing has gone--and his mind is confused at times---- He can't help it-- and we all may be that way someday----He is not the same person about 40% of the time. He becomes frustrated--he cannot remember where he has placed things, and is sure I threw out whatever he cannot find.-He is not able to walk as steady as he used to. I now take over the outside work, and the groceries and the cleaning-- He becomes cold at night, and turns up the furnace to 75 degrees . I have to figure out how to keep him warm and still live and sleep in this house without cooking to death--
Life here has drastically changed, and it is not his fault- Our children find it hard to accept that this is happening to their Father.
This morning, after I walked wee little Lopez the Chihuahua, I decided that I must get back to my walk/run,--or as Dad used to say, I need to "hoof" it up the highway--- blow the cobwebs out of the mind, help keep the sciatica away--- and help myself to stay strong ---- I was the only one on the road except the street cleaner--- but--it felt good to do something for me and to remain positive thru such a complicated and weird situation. Sometimes it is very lonely.
I wonder how many other women are going thru this same thing-- trying to make the best of difficult situations . People seem afraid to talk too much about this-- Is this just a normal part of aging?-- Perhaps-- maybe not too!--- In any event, I do the very best I can do--- try to not dwell on the craziness too much, because in 5 minutes, life kinda returns to normal in time!
Deep thoughts eh?--- And we must stay strong---
I get more cold than my himself, so I use 2 blankets and he’s comfy with his one thin blanket. We keep our house about 68F. It’s very comfy when moving around during the day, but can get chilly for e during the night. So, extra blanket and I’m good.
ReplyDeleteAwwww, I can’t imagine how hard it is to deal with your children not being able to see what’s going on with Himself. My parents lived w/me after we moved them here from IL. My brother didn’t realize how much work it took caring for them, either. I NEVER MINDED, but he just never realized. I guess out of sight, out of mind. I feel for you. (((HUGS)))
I would NOT say dementia is a normal part of aging per se, but it does happen. Lots to deal with.
Have you considered maybe finding an on-line support group for dealing w/dementia? If there were an in-person group, even better.
hugs
barb
1crazydog
Stay strong, Lynda!! You are doing an amazing job of holding it all together…that takes a healthy mind and body…keep up your walking and nourishing food choices! Yes, you are doing the very best you can…your Spark friends know that! ❤️ Eissa7
ReplyDeleteYou are such an exceptional and strong woman. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteLynda, it takes a lot of guts to care give. And if he ever gets dangerous to himself OR to you, he will have to go someplace else. Is there a place like that in your town? Video him when he gets crazy, so your kids can see how he is, why would they think you are making it up? Good luck. There are books by others that have done what you are doing. But no time for you to read them
ReplyDeleteI am facing the exact same thing, just beginning and I have no idea how to handle it. MawMaw from Sparkpeople days.
ReplyDeleteMawMaw so happy to see yu on here!-- Yes I remember yu!--- Yu are going thru the same situation--? It is hard--a lot of tears go on , on my part---- I debated whether to write this blog --Im glad I did now!---There are dear friends who have helped me try to accept it-- but--I still have difficult days-- If I have any advice--it is not to age with the other person--and I find it hard to not argue-- Lynda
DeleteI ment to say--"Not to Argue with the person affected-- Lynda
DeleteHugs! You are amazingly strong and caring. I do hope you find appropriate help so that you can also stay sane as you live in the craziness, and to know when it's time for the next steps.
ReplyDeleteYes, I reached out to the Alzheimers group this AM--I deport know how helpful they will be but I will see-Thanks Barb-Lynda
DeleteThinking of you and all you are dealing with. . .I hope you get through to the kids soon. I remember my MIL dealing with my FIL for quite some time until she finally said I can't take it anymore to the kids. . . we never knew how hard it was for her because she kept it all to herself. Hugs for you.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if a family meeting would help-- it must be difficult for them to accept it-- Lynda
DeleteLynda, you are very strong and handling it all ALONE plus the house duties. I'm dealing with somewhat the same situation but not as bad, yet. We did downsize to a villa 3 yrs. ago and that helped me but family/son has divorced since we moved here to be closer to him/help. Now I'm in a quandary about moving closer to son.....again.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you take time for YOU and make your health a priority. Someone suggested a family meeting and that might be a good idea. At least your sons/DILS may be a bit more involved if they are aware of how things really are. Finding support for you is a great idea.
Blessings in your day.
Hugs Lynda
(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteLYnda, I also think a family meeting is called for....they need to see.......he can't help it, but you need support and help....please don't leave him home alone...for safetys sake.
ReplyDeletePrayers for you for strength.
My husband is physically disabled and I am the caregiver. I would have collapsed by now if daughter had not come to help carry the load til he gets over this last surgery.
It's a good thing that you are so strong. But you do have to take care of yourself or you will be no good to anyone. Please get some outside help when you can and join the dementia support group to help you. And speak to the kids and get their support/involvement as well. You love Fred so much, I know you do not want to even consider putting him elsewhere so you need to get support.
ReplyDeleteYes I have contacted the Alzheimers group here in town-Lynda
DeleteYou are so strong maintaining through what must feel like crazy time. I admire you so much!
ReplyDeleteYu admire me??-- No---- I'm not good at this--LOL--but--I try--- so happy always to see your comments-Thank yu-Lynda
DeleteI do not believe that dementia is a normal part of aging. Some forgetfulness, some short term memory lapses, etc...yes, those are normal. Dementia can be caused by many things other than Alz.
ReplyDeleteLike you see...we just must keep on keepin' on. Say our prayers, listen to music or find a way to destress and try to pocus on the positive, though it's not always easy to do so.
Praying for and thinking of you and yours. {{{HUGS}}}
It really is hard to watch tho--- and other times,. these persons are ok--well --sorta--Lynda
DeleteWe are in the same boat as my mother is really struggling and sometimes well meaning people can overwhelm you with lots of suggestions that just want to make you cry because you can't do all that. Then I have to remember to take a breath and take it step by step, moment by moment and deal with only what is right in front of me and not borrow from elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteYour poor Mom--just stand beside her--help her--Lynda
DeleteI have such empathy for you (and for all the people who have to go through what you are). I am so sorry that you don't have someone you can go to for comfort so that you don't have to be so dang strong ALL the time, for you need care and love and comfort too! Hugs and love to you.
ReplyDeleteso true--but--- we are doing it--- and I feel I can, well---when I
Delete'm not crying--LOLOL-- Lynda
My husband gets cold in the evenings also. We have a blanket/lap robe that we plug in while he sits in his chair and watches tv. It keeps him comfy and stops his complaining. We also have an electric mattress pad with dual controls so if he needs to warm up a bit he can turn it on and since it has dual controls I don't have to sweat.
ReplyDelete