I'm telling you, I am impressed-----so many of you wrote in --- to my very sad blog--- a couple days ago--Thank you for holding me up--again!---I know that I am not the only person in the world caring for another soul, whose mind is different-- It comes with age--- people who care for other people, need a support system--- You all really came through--Thank you is not enough--
- tears---so many tears---loneliness----trying to hold life together---and even shame ---- lack of understanding--feeling worthless because you are told you are worthless--everyday, by a person yu love, and you know that person is not aware of what is going on--does not understand --cannot hear properly--is afraid of dying--oh--I could just keep going on and on---and so many of us cannot talk about it--cannot understand it-- -- The "Why Me?"--syndrome--
It is harder and you feel more shame, if your own family members do not understand what is happening-- why you have trouble dealing with their Dad--? Why don't you go to meetings about all this--so you can learn more about it-?--- Do they not realize that you cannot leave their Dad?------
And I know I am not alone in all this (I want to say--in tnis "mess")-- but, it really is chaos--
But-(that big "butt" again!)---- you let me know that you all care--that there are more of you trying to make life easier for someone in the exact boat--Lord love a duck--Thank you -thank you ---thank you--(seems I need to say that 150 more times!)------ Thank you for being here-
Now, Lopez needs to get out--I need to vacuum-- (Well, Sadie is going to help)- and I am meeting my husband for lunch at 12 noon -- the man I married---Bless all your hearts for helping me get out of "the depths of despair"
---------------------------- The girl on the right is "us"---- doncha think?----------------------
So glad you managed to get past that perceived block to blogging. We're all here supporting you from a distance, and we don't think badly of your loved ones (even those who don't understand) because we DO understand that some folks don't grasp it until they themselves live it.
ReplyDeleteI understand so much more what my mom went through with her dad, when she was 60 miles away and her sister was 1200 miles away from where he lived "alone" and her sister thought that mom could just pop in and check on him and all would be well. They ended up moving him to a care home here in the town where mom lived... because he was alone (grandma had passed) and could not safely live alone any more. When you're 1200 miles away you do NOT "get it".
So, hang in there, accept the help that is there, and remember to take care of YOU in the process. I'm so grateful that you at least have that day care and that Himself is willing to go there. Have a good day and a pleasant luncheon date!
That Day care is a wonderful outlet for Himself--only 4 people in his class-- Lynda
DeleteIt is a new day. You are handling things well, even if there is the occasional bump in the road. And, as a reader of your blog, I do think some of your kids are doing better at helping some, (like taking himself to adult daycare)but no one has any idea of what you are going through unless they step into your shoes for an extended period of time, and that is not going to happen.
ReplyDeleteAging is one surprise after another. Some good (like getting out of bed with no aches and pains and some energy) and some bad (like a very cranky confused partner). So, when you get a few moments of peace, like this morning, be kind to yourself! Tell Sadie the housework can wait!🙂
yes that housework should wait----- Lynda
DeleteThat girl on the right is exactly my youngest daughter - even at 44 she would rather be upside down doing a handstand or just walking on her hands! I love the Alan Rickman quote! I haven't experienced anything like what you have lately. Both my parents passed away suddenly by stroke. My husband was very ill 4 years ago and his anxiety about it made him unable to eat. I was worried but was able to find help for him. But what I do know is that only WE can walk in our shoes. Our children can't fully understand, neither can our spouses. Your feelings are your feelings and that's okay. You get to feel that way. I do understand from your messages how difficult it is for you to get through some of your days, how challenging things can be. Yet, you get up every day and encourage all of us! And I agree with the person above this post - maybe it's okay to give Sadie the day off! Sit and play your piano, listen to some soothing music, or maybe read a book! You deserve a morning off! Enjoy your lunch today!
ReplyDeleteand playing the piano is so relaxing-- Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda: I'm glad you're going to the Lodge for lunch. It may be a chance to see how others do with this situation and perhaps a chance to talk to others to see what other help/care you can get. Maybe they have found different resources to use. My email is: brendajackson403@yahoo.ca if you would like to talk offline at all. While some of the kids have started helping a bit, they could do a lot more. And they don't seem to realize what all the issues are and what you have to deal with. Perhaps tape more stuff for them to listen to. Love the little girl post. Hope lunch works out good. Take care and relax later and play the piano. Hugs Brenda
ReplyDeleteThanks Brenda--Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda...AKA Wonder Woman. Please try not to feel shame as this isn't something you caused nor can control. Your feelings are yours alone but please pat yourself on the back for the amazing care you provide.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you'll finally get to have lunch with himself. Perhaps you'll meet others dealing with the issues and find more local support. WE are here for you. Many of us are dealing with the same issues with a spouse. Your strength is amazing.
But remember YOU must take care of YOU. If thats sneaking away with a book,
playing your piano, a nap...
whatever revives you.
Hang in. Yep, I'm the last gal on the right.
Take care of you.
You are not alone.
Hugs
--To-day was a good day--but--who knows what to-morrow will bring--Lynda
DeleteWow, Linda! Himself is @ daycare and you are meeting him for lunch. I think that is awesome!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you have N-O-T-H-I-N-G to feel shame about! Absolutely not! It is those words being uttered by that ugly disease that sort of seep into the brain. BUT try to make your brain like Teflon and remember . . . it is the disease/devil talking! NO SHAME.
I remember one night sitting @ the table with my parents when I was taking care of them. Mom turned to me, and said with a snarl, “Well, how in the world could your Mother be proud of you?” and went on and one. I almost started crying, but just managed to eek out “I know my Mother is proud of me.” Clearly she did not know who I was. It stung, but I just had my mid conditioned to remember . . . it was the disease talking, ot her.
Yes, clearly your family does NOT understand that you CANNOT leave Himself! They don’t see things daily! As much as it may sting them, maybe it IS a good idea to video Himself when he is not doing so well and show it to them. Let them see what you are handling daily.
CLEARLY the little girl on the right us US! Made me laugh.
Ditto what everyone else is saying . . . you are doing a wonderful job, you are doing the most dificult job possible!
hugs
barb
1crazydog
Oh BArb--I thank yu--We all try don't we??--Lynda
DeleteSending hugs and prayers. I wish your kids could understand what you are going through. Maybe someday they will, when they are going through this. We all know that you need help and support, I wish they could help you get it.
ReplyDeleteHugs and prayers, Chris
Thank yu-Lynda
DeleteI wrote this on you last blog. I am sure that your kids will understand this years from now…. Just like we all do when we sit back and think about our own parents.
ReplyDeleteOh my…. Our children do not understand. You need an outlet and we are here for you. You have NEVER made their dad into a monster. You are losing your great love. You have always stated that you know that it is not the man that you love and respect. Kids don’t understand until it happens to them. And, they stay away from the fear of losing him as well.
I am dealing with a very close friend who is also going through her stages of dementia. It’s so ugly. I try to be there as much as possible. Sometimes she knows me and other times she does not. I see what her husband and children react. They all struggle in their own way. I could strangle her kids who are also grown up with their own lives. Their mom has been placed in a memory care facility and they are just now wrapping their heads around it. Slowly they are coming around to accept. Me as well…. It is a Normal process, I think….
Stay true to yourself and keep blogging. It’s very rare I post on Facebook or anywhere for that matter. But, we all need an outlet and journaling and blogging is helpful. We will all be your support source and one day, your children will understand.
Hugs, Jacquie
In the drama of my life with hubby I read a quote yesterday which made me smile. Our kids understand their father’s problems and my efforts to keep him fed, clean and somewhat happy, however some members of HIS family don’t but they rarely see him.
Delete“Just because someone sends you guilt, it doesn’t mean you have to accept delivery!”
Some comments now are marked “return to sender” unopened!!
MawMaw in Indiana—
The like that quote about not accepting guilt--Lynda
DeleteJacquie--- I really hope that my grown children accept all this--sooner than later--I appreciate you writing--Hugs, Lynd
DeleteGood evening, Lynda! I hope all went well with the outing today at the Lodge. I hope little Lopez is doing well. I know Beau takes good care of him while Sushi hides away. lol Tommy is getting a bit easier each day and will be 5 months old Monday. It's time for his first grooming very soon. Cloudy for days here in Ohio. Looking forward to sun for the next few days starting tomorrow. The sun just makes us feel better! Sun and coffee for me! lol It is National Coffee Day! Have a wonderful weekend!:)
ReplyDeleteIt is National Coffee Day--Nice--LOL--Lynda
DeleteThank yu for your support Sandra--- To-day was a better day---Lynda
ReplyDeleteand Lopez heard your prayer--LOL_-Lynda
ReplyDeleteHi Lynda…. I’m glad today was a good day for you. And , hopefully for Himself as well. Honestly, you’ve helped me many times with your uplifting messages. I’m caring for my husband who has mobility problems, and his memory is changing. I’m in my early 70’s and he’s in his 80’s. Some days are challenging and life has changed in so many ways. I get a lot of encouragement from you and the friends who post here every day. I’ve followed you since way back during the SparkPeople days. Sending you blessings of peace and happiness.
ReplyDeleteVicki from Mass.
Howdy Doody Vicky--- Good days and bad days--but--what can we do?--- The good days help us survive the bad days-- I am so happy to hear that we have been friends since our "Sparkly Days"--Please keep writing and we can help each other-- Lynda
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