This is big beau--but--just look at the leaves! They are all so beautiful! --And these Fall days are warm-and sunny---- so nice!-
The painter has gone---I miss chatting with her--but--I do have big Beau and Lopez, who look at me as I speak to them.--
So, I have been told not to post anything on "Social Media ---well, it was said, not to make their Dad a "Monster"---I hope I didn't do that--- but--we shall not mention Himself anymore--at all----I do not know what I would ever do without my daily blog--- I do enjoy hearing from you all ever so much--
You need to tell your children that you need an outlet to keep your own sanity and that no one sees himself as a monster. He’s an older man who had a very successful career helping others that now has a disease that many of us deal with in old age. It does not in any way reflect on the man who dedicated his life to his family and helping others. If anything, at least for me, I admire him! Your children really need to get a better understanding of what you and himself are going through.
ReplyDeletethey don't understand--- kinda hard--all this--- but--- I have tried so hard to not make it sound like i was told I was doing--lynda
DeleteI don't feel you have made Himself out to be a monster. I see a man struggling with dementia and the ripple effect on you as his caregiver. I've been up close to this situation as my father descended further and further into the dementia! It is a form of hell on earth. Hugs from central Texas.
ReplyDeletePHOENIX1949
The “children” have not grown up yet! They don’t care that you are going through hell, and have been for a long while. That is like people not wanting to swallow bad news, so they kill the messenger!
Deleteit was a very bad evening last nite----i really needed to hear all your support--Thank yu--Lynda
DeleteThank yu --If you can imagine the worst---that is what happened last evening----I needed your support to-day--Thank yu-Lynda
DeleteOh I do appreciate hearing from yu--Lynda
DeleteI so totally agree. There is no harm to himself for you to share your experiences of your daily life! Many of us are going through the exact same thing and being able to share here is helpful to us as well as you.
ReplyDeleteYou always share when himself has a good day so you are not being unkind or making us think he is a monster!
My heart goes out to you because even though some of my days are like yours, our children can see how hard it is for me to be caretaker, housekeeper, and “chief cook and bottle washer” as my mom used to say. Big hugs today!! MawMaw from Sparkpeople
Thank yu ever so much--- Boy oh boy--- I do appreciate hearing from yu-Lynda
DeleteI can only imagine you don’t miss the chaos of the interior painting. But it is nice to have someone else to talk to!
ReplyDeleteI do NOT think any of us think of himself as a monster at all. ON the contrary. He is a wonderful man whose persona is being override by dementia. It is such a painful transition to go through. I DO hope that you have SOMEONE you can share your thoughts with. You have a huge challenge to bear and need to be able to vent one way or another. AND there are those of us who have gone through caregiving for someone w/dementia and it really is VITAL to be able to share. . . somewhere! You need validation!
As PHOENIX said, dementia is a form of hell on earth . . . no other way to describe it.
HUGS and blessings
Barb
1crazydog
Wow Barb--- so nice of you all --my goodness--What a pleasant shock to hear all your support--Lynda
DeleteDitto what everyone else has posted above! I don't think that there would be a single one of us, who read your blog daily, that sees Himself as a monster. Most of us have dealt with a parent, spouse or close relative who has had dementia like your husband and can identify with you! I am so sad that someone has shamed you like for expressing some frustrations of living with your beloved husband who is struggling. Sending hugs and prayers to you, sweet lady!
ReplyDeleteSandra --Thank yu--- What would I ever do without yu?--Lynda
DeleteI think we're all in agreement here. So sad that your adult children, who should know better, are still in such denial about Himself's decline. And even sadder that they don't seem to have compassion for what you are dealing with, pretty much on your own. This blog serves as a support community not just for you, but for all of us. Let's muzzle Mom! Let's muzzle Mom! This is when you just listen to what they have to say, thank them for their concern, shake your head, and keep on doing and posting what feels right to you. Remember, you can't take care of others if you don't take care of yourself (and that includes emotionally) first.
ReplyDeletetrue --so true--- take care of yourself--They would love it oif I stopped blogging--Thank you so much for your kind words-Lynda
DeleteGreat reply!
DeleteLynda, I am sure all your followers know the issue you and Himself are dealing with, and we all know he's not a monster! It's just the chemicals in his brain or something...not his fault at all. I am sure he is not acting any different than others with his old timer's. You do not have to do something just because someone tell you to!
ReplyDeleteI sued to lead a weight loss club called TOPS (take off pounds sensibly). We had a big seminar a few times a year. A point that one pro speaker gave us has stayed with me for 40+ years. It's, "Don't let anyone SHOULD on you!"
You may need to vent about your feelings. Writing about stuff that bothers you is theraputic!
They have taken our parking lot clear down to pure dirt, removing all the layers. It will be wonderful when done. The noise woke me up very early this morning.
If you need to vent to someone without spreading it around, just choose the people you think will understand and send your thoughts via private message on FB.
At least tomorrow is day care again, right?
Just chill, honey. Think of things you love. Choose your thoughts...and make them as happy as you can. {{{HUGS}}}
Yes, to-morrow is a Day Care Day--praise the good Lord!--LOL and--your parking lot sounds awesome-- happy that you wrote-Thank yu-Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda: I agree with others comments. From children who don't provide a lot of support, It's amazing that they would treat their mother and their father's caregiver like someone who should do everything on her own with no one to talk to. Is the one who has complained the same one that has a fro=iend who complained before? No one says himself is a monster. He has a disease that is getting worse. That is how the disease works. And if you don't have an outlet, you won't be in shape to look after himself or yourself. It is pretty selfish of them who go about their lives and don't come around much although son #1 has been helping ore lately. Don't upset yourself with others lack of consideration. Relax this evening and play the piano. Hugs Brenda
ReplyDeletewell, one is a bit of a --s-H-- --disturber-- calls the boys--Yes-=-=the Piano-- a good way to relax-Lynda
DeleteYou have NEVER made Himself out to be a monster. Your children are all adults and need to let YOU (also an adult) have some freedom in communicating about what you are going through. If you don't have it as a blog, then for heaven's sake they should get you a mental health professional that you can freely communicate with. You NEED a support system!
ReplyDelete--Wow Barb!!! -- ever nice to hear you say that--crazy tough life sometimes eh?-Lynda
DeleteIt's Kathy. We are all your friends - and I do not consider your blog to be Social Media. You have shared your feelings with us and for heaven's sake, you need some kind of outlet for them. Your children are not helping you as much as you need help and they don't see their father the way you do. I'm sure when they are around he's happy and being himself! My email address is tomkat1949@yahoo.com and I am always happy to listen to you. You shouldn't have to be in the alone and your children shouldn't be telling you what to do! Please take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteTHanks Kathy--I made a note of yer email address--and I agree--the children/adults--should not be telling me what to do--- I do appreciate hearing from you so much-Lynda
DeleteOh yu are a gem--- Yes I can just say that and yu will all understand-- whatta time eh?-- Lynda
ReplyDeleteLynda, no one thinks himself is a monster nor have you portrayed him as such. Hes respected and esteemed. He has an issue and you are not getting help to deal with it. Do you realize that you help many of us who struggle with the same Issues? Your strength is amazing. What others "think" isn't relevant as there will always be different opinions....You need an outlet....we want to support you. You need to vent. Please don't stop doing that. We are hugging you from afar. If you no longer feel ok about posting I'd encourage you to find another outlet....a counselor or someone.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry and unhappy that the kids are unable too see and help with the situation.
Be well. Stay strong.
Well Margene--- Thank you SO SO much----And thank yu for the hugs-- so much-Lynda
DeleteI rarely comment but I feel that this blog is not really social media but friends listening and supporting one another when we are happy , sad or struggling. Much like going out for coffee with trusted friends and sharing each other's everyday life and offering support, laughter, advice and sometimes tears. Please know that we are not judgemental and cherish your thoughts, struggles, and laughter and look forward to your next adventures. You also help others who are going through the same challenges and they know that they are not alone.
ReplyDeleteThank yu--- so much kindness--makes me want to try harder--lynda
DeleteHi Lynda, I am in agreement with what everyone else has said. You need to be able to vent and get things off your chest so that you can move forward. When my husband was in a nursing home for ten years and very angry I don't know if I would have managed without friends that would listen to me and let me know they cared. If someone hasn't walked in your shoes they have no right to judge!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe care about you and are here for you. Hugs.
Oh Madeline --Thank yu---I must be strong eh?-- Lynda
DeletePlease, whenever he gets to antagonizing you, use the cell phone and record it, for Pete’s sakes. The doctors need to see that, the place he goes to next need to see that! You do not deserve the abuse. Could be a dangerous thing, for heaven’s sakes!
ReplyDeleteOK I shall try----Evening is coming and once again, I'm not looking foreward to it--Lynda
DeleteSending ❤️ and hugs your way…you sure have a bunch of Spark friends who are behind you 100%! If we could be physically present to help in any way, you know we’d be there!! Eissa7
ReplyDeleteWe were on Spark for many years--nice to see everyone again-Lynda
DeleteMy email is fldunloplake@vianet.ca and yes, I would very much like to have yer email-so good of you to write-=-=-=and you once lived in Michigan?----near Ontario--You made my day-Thank yu-Lynda
ReplyDeleteWow! --=I certainly appreciate all your kindness--thank yu-Lynda
ReplyDeleteLynda…Sending cyber hugs to you. I don’t post often, but I am here everyday.
ReplyDeleteVicki from Mass
Vicki--- You ae here everyday?--Heavens!--- Well thank you for giving me the "thumbs up"-- It is a scarey situation to stand up against my kids-- --thank yu again-Lynda
DeleteI hope you will continue to use this blog as a way to deal with all the ups and downs of aging and being a caregiver. I agree with all the other readers. Many of us have been in similar circumstances, and we all know that a person with dementia does not always behave like the person they once were, and that is not their fault, but it difficult for people who live with them and sometimes you need someone to allow you to let out your feelings. The blog is your someone.
ReplyDeleteDo whatever you need to do to get through the day. Life can be hard and sometimes we need some support and a break from it all.
Whatta nice way of describing my situation--plus--I do appreciate your support-Thank yu-Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda - Linda from Wisconsin here..I'm another that doesn't post very often, but good to see so many cheerleaders for you on here! Hang in there..btw I don't consider this "social media' either...
ReplyDeleteLinda--- nice to hear from yu and toknow who yu are-- Yes it has been difficult--but--all of yu , sure has helped me carry on-- Yu have brought me out from some very dark moments and I appreciate it very much-Lynda
DeleteLynda, this is your blog and do what you want. You need an outlet to let your feelings out since you have no support from family. It's really simple if your children don't want to read about it then they can stop reading your blogs. You have never made any of us feel like you portray Himself in a bad light. He is dealing with dementia and you are dealing with that as well. It's a lot to go through and with no family support you need people to turn to. This is why your blog means so much to you and those of us who read it. Honestly, your children need to grow up and listen to you about what is going on. They have to realize what the truth is and this way you can all deal and support Himself as a family, (((BIG HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteOh Paula--Thank yu--- I appreciate so much hearing from yu-Lynda
DeleteRemember, winter is coming, the daylight is getting shorter, and you will have less time to be out of the house - - even walking the dogs. You need some way to let your frustration out. It is not frustration with him but rather with the situation you are now in. You have been a wonderful wife and mother all these years and it is time to receive pats on the back rather than criticism. I have not been in this situation as my husband died at a younger age and I was still working but I can just imagine what it is like for you and that isn't a pretty picture.You go "above and beyond the call of duty" with all you do now. When things look dismal, remember your friends are with you in thought and prayer all the time.
ReplyDeleteOh thank yu SO sO much---I do so VERY much appreciate all your support--Thank yu from the bottom of my heart-Lynda
DeleteDoes anyone know how I can get my name back on my comments???????????????? I don't want to be anonymous.
ReplyDeleteHow do I make it private and till allow all of yu to read it??? Thank yu so much for your comments--lynda
ReplyDeleteOh Marti---tears are falling from my eyes--Thank yu VERY much for your VERY kind words-Lynda
ReplyDeleteI also do not post often but I read every blog I am sure that the adult children need to take on dad for a while and see that you are not wrong you of course love this man so much that you will always be a care giver for him but you also need to take care of yourself and if that means just posting about the day so be it I have found some parts to be very helpful in dealing with my family menber and I do not know where I would be if I did not have your blod to remind me that I am not alone and to give me some Ideas of way to get some outside help like I said the kids need to either step up and take some of the day to day burden or they need to but out but you are free to post what you like I feel bad when some one tells me how and what to do if they can do better let them do it I know that when my mother got bad my sister put her in a home I am caring for dad and it is very hard at times he can be so mean and yet I know that he loves me and so i keep going back to help even when it hurts
ReplyDeletestand strong sweetheart you are amazing and blog away if they do not like it they can move in and care for dad
Oh man!--Thank yu for writing--There are more people going thru this than I realize--I appreciate yu taking the time to write--It helps me immensely--Thank yu for being here--Lynda
DeleteCarol-Bless your heart--and-Thank yu so very much for writing-- Lynda
ReplyDeleteOh my…. Our children do not understand. You need an outlet and we are here for you. You have NEVER made their dad into a monster. You are losing your great love. You have always stated that you know that it is not the man that you love and respect. Kids don’t understand until it happens to them. And, they stay away from the fear of losing him as well.
ReplyDeleteI am dealing with a very close friend who is also going through her stages of dementia. It’s so ugly. I try to be there as much as possible. Sometimes she knows me and other times she does not. I see what her husband and children react. They all struggle in their own way. I could strangle her kids who are also grown up with their own lives. Their mom has been placed in a memory care facility and they are just now wrapping their heads around it. Slowly they are coming around to accept. Me as well…. It is a Normal process, I think….
Stay true to yourself and keep blogging. It’s very rare I post on Facebook or anywhere for that matter. But, we all need an outlet and journaling and blogging is helpful. We will all be your support source and one day, your children will understand.
Hugs, Jacquie