When I was young---like --way back when---I never thought too much about my grandparents lives--- After I had a family of my own, I realize now that I perhaps should have given my parents lives, more thought--At the time, I believed that I was helping them a lot-- They moved from Florida, to our wee town in Northern Ontario -- That in itself must've put many difficulties in their lives---
I remember Mom and Dad appearing out at our home usually round supper time. I realize now, that getting a meal ready, at the end of a day--day after day after day, must've posed a problem for them--'specially as Mom's eyes were not good and she could not get out for groceries on her own--nor could she read her own recipes anymore. I was busy with 5 teenagers----Sometimes they would stay for dinner, but too bad I didn't insist they stay-- I'm sure they might've!
And now, almost 80 yrs--- with a husband of nearly 94----I am in the "older" age category--not so good at cooking-- too large a house---trying to hold it all together and flopping into bed at night, exhausted-- and, 3 of my Lady friends are living --or have lived, with a hubby who is passing..It is such a different life!---- so far I am able to do it all, but am planning on changes in the near future-- AND-- WOMEN DON'T TALK ABOUT THIS --TO ANYONE---- Crazy! --- The children are all with their own families (Like I used to be)- and probably don't give us older folks too much thought--(Like I used to be!)-They do tell me to hire out help--- Older folks are on fixed incomes--- The "Hiring out " days cuts into their savings , which must be kept in the bank, to fix items in their house that need replacing--
It sounds like I am complaining-- "No"--- but-- life sure has changed---AND EVEN I DON"T TALK ABOUT IT--- I don't have time----LOL----- We have lived thru a Pandemic---and now we are in a recession ---- Crazy!--
HUGS!! You are so right! Don't bite-LOL
ReplyDeleteAwwww, hindsight is 20/20 always. BUT you did the best you could @ the time. I can see many opportunities I missed to make my parents’ lives easier, but . . . can only feel @ the time, I did my best.
ReplyDeleteOH, how many times I’ve heard those words “JUST hire it out”. For sure, no sense of what it is like to manage a budget on a fixed income that is shrinking big time due to this pandemic, recession. But we do our best.
We ARE stronger than we think!
Hugs and blessings
barb
Oh my goodness, so many times I think about my parents and understand how they must have been feeling. I imagine it’s generation after generation that thinks “I should have …”).
ReplyDeleteDid you brother come yesterday? Hope that you had a great day!
I remember my Mom saying, “it’s always something.” Now I say that!
Have a wonderful day.
Jacquie
I also wish that I had helped my mom more. My dad died when he was 66 and mom kept up a house until she passed at 92. There are a lot of things that would have helped if I knew then what I know now. Reading your blog each day makes me realize that so many of us have the same feelings. Enjoy your visit with your brother.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat as you, only NOW realizing how difficult it must have been for aging relatives. My parents passed young, Mom at 66, Dad at 71... I've already lived longer than my mom, and it's creeping up on as long as my dad! My DIL to be mentioned how my son is glad I'm taking care of my health... because, like your children, these "kids" in their 30's moving on 40's have lives of their own, responsibilities beyond having aging parents. What a crazy world, eh?
ReplyDeleteI'm sure having your brother to visit with will bring out similarities and sympathy! Wishing us ALL good minds, to help with the tough decisions we have to make as we get old-er! Still beats the alternative, but a strong mind helps.
Did not hit or bite yesterday... hopefully not today, either! 😁
Your post today made me think of the ways I could have done more for my parents.....did my best...hindsight is 20/20.
ReplyDeleteI hear the hire to have it done....we are all doing our best.
We are strong.
I so enjoy your daily posts. I didn't receive yesterday's until today. What a blessing that the check arrived.
Enjoy your visit with your brother.
Take exceptional care of you, Fred and the fur kids.
Have a great day.
LOVE your positive attitude. Admire you so much.
Today I probably won't hit or bite anyone.
Hugs
Lynda, I so loved this blog. Yes, I also look back and think I didn't do enough for my own parents. Those thoughts come when I sit and feel a little sorry for myself that my children aren't really helping us. You're absolutely right, what savings we have needs to be held onto - not spent on things that one of our children could help with. I'm not too close to 80 yet although 72 doesn't feel like a spring chicken anymore. Next week I have to have spine fusion surgery and I won't be able to do much for months. A friendly visit and perhaps an offer to clean the house would be appreciated but it's certainly not expected. Hang in there! You are the bravest woman I know!!!
ReplyDeleteAs I read your blog Lynda and peoples comments and thought about it. I think it is unfortunately a lot of our own fault for no one helping. We have been taught not to say that you need help. Our parents did that hence we now feel bad because we did not help more. But did they ask for help? I know mine didn't. And now we are doing the same thing. We need help and we really don't ask for it. We don't say what we need help with and how we are to pay for it when we only have a limited budget. We need to really tell our kids (yes it will be hard and probably embarrassing) but so much better so when they get to our age they won't have the regrets we have because we did not help our folks more. Like our parents we are strong and don't want to bother people with what we need but the only one who is suffering now is us and our kids will when they get to be our age. Just some thought I had after reading this blog.
ReplyDeleteLynda I hope you are having a great time with your brother.
You're right. Now that I am older I know I didn't do enough for my mother. We get so busy with our own lives and families that we just don't even think about it and if they never ask anything of you you don't know. But they shouldn't have to ask. We should know.
ReplyDeleteYes. Impossible to hire someone on a fixed inncome. You are lucky to have $ in savings. Some of us don't even have that. We do have alot in our lives to be thankful for, though. I practice finding things to appreciate...even little things like...I didn't bite anyone today! {{{HUGS}}} ACIMPEGGY
ReplyDeleteings. Like I didn'tb
It gets tricky when you don't have any children to call upon if/when needed. We both carry long-term-care insurance that partially covers home and/or facility costs and life insurance policies in the hopes that these will cover our costs should we need extra care in the future (we are 73). Also our mortgage-free home has appreciated in value in a hot real estate place so a reverse mortgage is another option to try remain here until we pass. We are wrestling with the question of who we should line up if we become mentally impaired & when to involve them in our personal business! The current inflation and diminishing stock market are major drains on our previous plans. However all this works out, I feel we are giving it our best shot with so many unknowns in this world. PHOENIX1949
ReplyDeleteHang in there LYnda, we are contemplating some big changes also.
ReplyDeleteWe’re now where our parents were. I also have regrets that I could have done more for my parents.
ReplyDeleteMy life is a bit like yours.
My husband is 92, I’m 74. My days are filled taking care of him and trying to run our household. I’ve had a few panic attacks but don’t want to burden our two sons. I’m coming to realize that I need to take care of myself. I’ve gained 20 pounds, don’t sleep properly and feel the walls are caving in. It sucks getting old.
I’m sorry for going on about my woes. I know that you probably understand though.