I decided to hire the neighbour to do the snow blowing --- I FINALLY realized that there is no way that I can do the inside work , as well as the outside stuff--- This afternoon, I will go the bank and get $$$ to pay this VERY kind neighbour ---
While I was waiting for the pick-up meal to be ready, in town, I wandered into a tiny store just to look around--I began to cry--and you think I could stop?---- The poor salesgirl--- In any event, another customer was in the same store and volunteered her skills to come and visit Himself--said her Dad had the same thing--whatever it was---so--I cried harder---- I must be very tired to shed so many tears like that- --Those darn tears eh--Once they start, they just don't seem to stop--
I think I have stopped crying-- Talking to you has helped! --sharing the facts-- And why on earth did I ever think I could do EVERYTHING? Nobody can do that--Can they? Lord love a Duck!
As sad as it is you must accept that Himself cannot be left alone while you are away. I could tell some sad stories of things that have happened while patients like him have been by themselves. After she was told by the Doctor and by a member of the Alzheimer Society that he should not be left alone my best friends husband is now in the nursing home. It was a difficult thing to do but in the end he is so much safer and believe it or not he is happier there too. It took a bit of adjustment but not as long as you may think until he settled in and made it his new home. Please at least hire someone to stay with him while you are a way. Better to be safe than sorry.
ReplyDeleteWillow--I hired the neighbour and now will try to find a person to sit with Fred the afternoon I get out know that you are right-- I do appreciate you telling me that-- Hugs my dear friend-Lynda-
DeleteOh Lynda, of course you can't do all the work, inside & outside! You're only one person and not a young one either. I'm so pleased that you've hired someone to do the outside work, it's far too much for you.
ReplyDeleteAs for that long crying jag, I understand completely. I did that while in class at Mohawk College and my teacher guided me out by having his arm around my shoulder. We went into another room and he held me while I cried and cried and cried. You see, I was getting a divorce from my first husband, my children's father and though it was the right thing to do, it hit me hard doing it. I thought I'd never stop crying but did eventually. My teachers kindness helped me, the same as that lady in the store helped you.
In my opinion and please take it with a grain of salt as both your mom and mine would say - Fred either needs live in help or should be in a nursing home that take care of elderly people with dementia, because it certainly sounds like Fred does. What he puts you through when only left alone two hours is a sign he should never be left alone.
Love to you, Fred and your pets and huge HUGS to you my dear friend. xoxoxo
Gloria-YU truly area Saint! -- Thank yu SO SO much for writing!-- Yes I will look for someone to sit with him --I only get out once a week--without him--the others times he comes and sits in the car with Lopez-- It hurt me so much tho that the boys never help----I guess they have their own families----but--I am their Mother-- Anyway-- Thank yu for being here Gloria-- Hugs, Lynda
DeleteOh my Lynda, you are truly overwhelmed and at your wits end!! I’d have thrown in the towel a long time ago!! I wondered how you could do such a great job inside AND hours of outdoor work, as well….it has taken its toll! If you get sick, who will do it all?? Sooooo, please make things easier on yourself in any way that you can find! It is truly not possible to do it all!! ❤️ Eissa7
ReplyDeleteOh Eissa--- I have levanted that one cannot do it all--and I have hired the neighbour-- so good of yu to write-Lynda
DeleteOH sweet Lynda, sending hugs. I remember those tears being shed while caring for my Mom. She could not be left alone, ever. They go through a phase of wandering, which Mom sure did, and that was the end for me. I couldn't live with myself if Mom got out and lost and whatever! For sure she would have been lost if she got out on her own. It's not easy, but at least consider having someone there when you have to leave.
ReplyDeleteIt is never an easy choice to have them cared for in a memory care facility but . . . I just knew w/Mom that time would come, so did my homework and research. I felt blessed to find a place 10 minutes away that was really good. Her needs were met. And in her own way, she was happy.
Hugs, prayers, and more hugs!
barb
1crazydog
Thanks Barb-- I know that yu went thru all this with your parents eh??--THank yu for writing-Lynda
DeleteI am learning the same thing.
ReplyDeleteYu need help too?--- It must be a stage we are in-- Lynda
DeleteNo, no one can do it all. I learned when my children (5 of them) were young that I had to choose how much I could do. I had a very demanding full-time and then some job and a husband who did nothing at all to help out. So my priority was getting my children fed and to their respective games, lessons, parties, etc. If my house got cleaned it was a plus! And the yard - well, one of the children mowed and not that good of a job but it was good enough. I'm glad you've decided to hire some help! You have a big job taking care of Himself but you also need to take care of YOU!
ReplyDeleteThank yu for writing-- and I have hired the neighbour for the snow-I will look for someone to sit with Himself --I know that we are at that stage now--Lynda
Delete((( hugs ))) No, Lynda, no one can do it all, and sometimes the stress just has to come out and sometimes it does so in tears. I do hope you get some help directly with himself, not just the outside stuff, because YOU deserve to be cared for, too. Love you so much, lady!
ReplyDeleteOh Barb-- I read your message and began to cry--I love yu too--seems like yu have been a part of my life for years--- And yes, I do need help now -- I hired the neighbour by the way , to snow plough-Lynda-
DeleteIt is no wonder that the stress got to you and you broke down. You have been doing too much by yourself for such a long time. I am glad you hired someone to do your snow, that will help .Take care of yourself!
ReplyDeleteSending (((HUGS)))
Yes Madeline --I completely broke down--IN A STORE--but--I have hired the neighbour now to take care of the snow-- Thank yu for your kind words-Lynda
DeleteI'm thinking of you and sending a big ol hug. I have noticed that Thursday when you go out it seems to trigger a bad day for himself since he is left alone. Be kind to yourself . . . if you can hire someone to stay with himself once a week while you get some much needed "me" time. It sounds like the time is coming for difficult decisions to be made but only you know when that is. Wishing you all the best.
ReplyDeleteyou areas right--He cannot be left alone anymore-- thank yu for that big hug too- Lynda
DeleteI could not stop crying today until I realized if I didn’t share my hurt and sorrow over my husband’s irrational behavior that I may just die over it.
ReplyDeleteI think much like you, nobody sees what we endure day after day and so can’t see how it builds up and just explodes.
I made a phone call and now as I share with you, the tears come again.
We aren’t alone but sometimes it sure feels like it!
Love, Phyllis (MawMaw from Spark)
Phyllis--It is you??-- So happy to hear from yu--So yu are going thru all this too?-- It is hard eh??--some days are so hard--- i did not know that you are going thru the same stuff-- Thanks for sharing all that--Lynda
DeleteHoney, you CAN do it all...but with the help of others.
ReplyDeleteDid you get a chance to play some music? Play with the pets and love on them?
Hope Himself calmed down enough so that both of you could enjoy your meal!
I have a dear friend whose husband just past of...well, what Himself has. She has felt him come from Spirit to visit. He is happy, and she of course feels grief, but also feels like a ginormous burden has been lifted from her shoulders.
You and strong sons to help you through it. She did not. I am glad you have us. We seem to all support each other here. {{{HUGS}}}
Well, talking to you all, really does help me sort all this crazy stuff out--and I did hire the neighbour for the snow-- hugs, Lynda
DeleteNo! We cannot do it all! We hire lawncare for that very reason. This wss the first year. It was a blessing. Sometimes, we have to just spend the money to save our back and sanity! Hugs to you!:)
ReplyDeleteYes, we do need help--- Yu were smart to do that--Lynd
DeleteFeeling so bad for you because you are experiencing some hard parts of your life with Himself. I cry everyday - but for a different reason....I miss my husband so much.....I would give anything to have hime back!
ReplyDeleteOh Sandra--You cry everyday??-- Too bad we don't live closer eh??-- Life is tough some days- I do appreciate hearing from yu-- Lynda
DeleteSending hugs. Sometimes we just have to cry, especially when we are under a lot of stress and it seems like we have to handle everything ourselves. I am a widow, 10 years younger than you, and I decided it was worth every dime to hire a person to plow my driveway. Go for it.
ReplyDeleteYou can always cut back a little on bananas! :) It sounds like your sons are a little more cognizant of your husband's ups and downs and perhaps would be willing to help you arrange for help to sit with himself while you get a break once in a while. AND, you must be willing to let people help you and realize that it might not be the way you would do it, but it is getting done.
I am glad the blogging helps. You help all of us with your positive messages and your sharing issues that most of us have going on in our lives or have had in the past. Unfortunately, as we age, life tends to deliver a lot of curveballs, and somedays we just don't want to deal with them, but we have no choice. Get some help. You both need it and you deserve it.
So so kind of you--and such great advice--Thank yu so much for writing!--And I did hire the neighbour to blow the snow--Lynda
DeleteWow Brenda-no, I cannot do it all-I did not cry today--and yes, I did hire the neighbour to snow blow-Lynda
ReplyDeleteaww Margene-- such kind words--I do appreciate hearing from yu--and--yes, I hired the neighbour now for the snow-- Lynda
ReplyDeleteWhen reading this blog, I noticed that you mentioned that Himself was upset about you being gone and did not calm down. I remember that you mentioned that he enjoyed your piano playing. Do you suppose that when he is upset and ranting that, if you played the piano, he would calm down? Just a thought of something that might help with peacekeeping, and it may be worth a try or two.
ReplyDeleteFortunately our temps here have returned to seasonal (about -17C to 0C) and no snow or wind in the forecast (about a week). Much nicer than last week.
Oh my, Lynda, such a sad tale and so many others have that same kind of thing going on, too. These poor souls who are no longer who they used to be, it is heart breaking to see them, and we lose control, have no control to cure them. Thank goodness your neighbor was handy to hire! Why does the Alzheimer’s group not help? Or the doctor? I thought Canada’s health care was so great? Is the doctor afraid of Himself, because he knows him, perhaps? So sorry your stress level has gone over the roof. May some kind of help come your way soon.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about your day. Please accept any help that you may find. You need to take care of yourself as well. Sending hugs.
ReplyDeleteJacquie
Over the course of the last year, I've hired a few people to come help me with the chores I just can't manage anymore and what a godsend that's been. Sadly, when the price of petrol went up, so did the rates and I had to let my girl go. She's found another person to help so she's still employed, but I wish I'd asked if she would be willing to continue coming every other week instead of weekly. I just can't afford weekly. So I found another young lady for every other week and after about a month or six weeks, she didn't show up and then when she replied to me about it, she lied, and it just really wasn't a very good lie either. As well, she wasn't as good at cleaning as she was at chatting.
ReplyDeleteSo I reluctantly let her go and have been without since around September. Over the last week I decided I really do need to find someone again. There's an agency here named Mable and I'm able to view the profiles of people near me that are willing to help do some of the things I need done (mostly help with cleaning but some carrying and things too). So I will start the search again. Hopefully I'll find someone that works well that I can afford. There is NOTHING wrong with getting help, but for some of us, it's really hard to reach that conclusion. I too have cried unstoppably. Especially when my late husband was unwell. He was in pain and snapping at me, at I'd already had a very long day taking care of him, driving him to treatments and back home, running to get him food and trying to do the housework. My neighbours, who also knew Rod, were so helpful. They'd stopped by to see if we needed anything and we did - someone to sit and listen to Rod complain and someone to just hug me. They couldn't tell me everything would be okay, but hugging was definitely needed. They patched us both up and made sure we were talking and laughing before they went on their way. Bless these special wonderful people in our lives! At the time, my dear other half had a brain tumor that we thought was tiny, but it was slowly taking over his emotions and causing wild mood swings. It was rough, but neighbours started coming by regularly and would take over anything I was doing so I could have a rest, or they'd sit with Rod while I was trying to keep our business running. As I said, bless these people who come into our lives, roll up their sleeves and help anyway they can. ❤️
So two things. I'm proud you made the decision to have your neighbour do the plowing. And hopefully the lady you met today really can come be a help and sit with Himself, who is not himself. And when you start becoming overwhelmed, especially with housework, just do what HAS to be done, and don't try to do everything you would normally do. Dust will never ever get as high as the snowbanks outside. It can wait until a better time. Try not to even see it. Don't use a room too often? Don't bother with it. Other things are more important right now. Just leave undone anything that's not essential to daily living for the time being, until you're able and other stuff is in hand. I love you lLynda, and I'm so glad you've got a reprieve from snowplowing. I can barely walk to the end of my drive on a sunny day - a fact that really irritates me because I love walking, but you've been out there slogging away and your driveway is 3x longer than mine. I'm 20yrs younger too. I'll be unstoppable once I get my arteries fixed so I can walk further! Big Hugs from Adelaide, Australia - I'm sorry I missed the Dreamliner this year but I hope to be on the next one for next year's party!
We are very blessed we have a pair of neighbor brothers...the younger comes to help when we need assistance....he does my weed-eating when needed, cleans my flower beds, and takes most of our trash out and also pulls the garbage can out. We pay him of course, but would be really in a bind without him. The both of them have helped immensely when David had cellulitis in his feet and could not walk.
ReplyDeleteI just caught up here and, after reading all the other comments, there's not much to add. But the comments and the support do make me realize how blessed we are that the Sparkfriends we made during that time continue to reach out with their love and care even though that chapter has ended.
ReplyDeleteGood move on hiring someone to handle the snow. As we age, something like that (and lawn care, for that matter) is no longer a luxury, but a necessity. I know people have mentioned the Alzheimers society and elder support in your community, and you've said there's a long waiting list. Are there are any in-home health care services in your area where you can hire somebody to come in for that half a day, or even a few hours, each week, when you're in town? You could relax during hair day or even do some grocery shopping without worrying about what's going on at home. Plus, you'd know that whoever is with himself has healthcare experience and isn't just "someone," but rather someone who knows how to respond if he gets agitated.
But...as uncomfortable as it is to hear, it may be time for a nursing facility. Himself doesn't get a vote when it's his health on the line.