It was not a good evening yesterday. Himself decided that he has "had it" living with Lopez--and asked that I give him away-- and of course that is not going to happen. And I know that if I ever did give Lopez away, himself would be the first to admit that he missed him--Now what on earth was his reasoning?-- are you ready for this?-- He says he is 93 and just wants to sit and do nothing, which he does anyway.
Lord love a Duck! I asked him if he wants me to put his name at the nursing home. I'm sure there is a waiting list.---And then I proceeded to tell him how fortunate he is to not have a disease of any kind, at his age--He is perfectly healthy. And he said-- "I am 93 and I am going to die soon--maybe even to-morrow."--So, I believe that is what is really on his mind----the fear of death--- It is sad really--a highly intelligent man, who spent his whole life Doctoring other people--no hobbies -- I guess yu might say that his hobbies were his family and his children--
So, he seems to have snapped out of his "mood" this AM-----The Pandemic certainly has not helped us all-- staying at home-- not eating out--no vacation-- no daughter visiting from Ohio-- and a wife who does everything herself , so there is not extra hours to sit together and when we do, I fall asleep as I am so exhausted ---
I wonder if we are unique in this situation?-- I kinda don't think so--Maybe I should tell him that he still is the handsomest fella that I know and I still love him to the moon and back--YU think?
You are certainly not unique although I will admit, himself is pretty old. I just saw on Facebook that one of the actors from F-Troup (a show from maybe the 60's) just turned 99. I can only imagine how difficult it is for him to have no place to go and very few people to talk to. This darn Pandemic has ruined so many people's quality of life. My husband said something about traveling - I wonder if we will ever be able to do that again. I will be missing for a few days - my surgery is tomorrow. I honestly feel like himself - I just want to sit in my chair and do absolutely nothing, especially take my Daisy outside every couple of hours. I'm happy to hear that he is feeling a little better this morning! Have a good day.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with yer surgery-- I shall be thinking of yu-Lynda
DeleteYou know the solution Lynda. For things to change you would have to be the one to make the changes. Most people when they are your age would be giving up the life with so much snow to shovel and so much lawn to mow and having to drive to town every time you need bananas. A beautiful life for younger people but a lot of work as people get older. Perhaps it is time to think about choosing a simpler life where you have more time for the things that really matter. Just picture it without so much work always waiting for you.
ReplyDeleteThis has definitely been hard on all of us but today is another day in which we are on the right side of the dirt. So breathe in and let's fake it until we make it.
ReplyDeleteDouble masked and got my hair cut this morning . . . I needed to get out of the house and my hair dresser is very cautious. She has an infant granddaughter and older parents so she masks up too.
I love it-- "Fake it till yu make it"--- great idea!-Lynda
Deleteoh i feel for Himself. Working so hard and then no patients, and with no hobbies or activities outside of the home. I retired after 32 years in the military and had to get a job because sitting at home was just horrible for me. Glad he is better today.
ReplyDeleteYour comment about Himself wanting to get rid of Lopez so he could sit and do nothing made me laugh. Take care with all the shoveling. Enjoy your day.
ReplyDeleteand --yu know what?--If he did sit and do nothing he would be bored-- Thank yu for telling me this and for not getting rid of poor Lopez-Lynda
DeleteAwwww! Sounds like DH is a bit tired. All of us are getting old-er... thank goodness, considering the alternative... it really is hard for those who have defined themselves by their work when they retire. "Sit and do nothing"? Does not sound like fun... unless you're just exhausted.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. (( hugs ))
OH my dear Lynda. I would have had one answer about giving little Lopez away – absolutely not!
ReplyDeleteLook how he felt when you suggested changing his pillows. He resisted, but NOW, he says it’s better. He may have just had an off day. OR could he be depressed? DH, retired also, gets depressed when he doesn’t have something to occupy him. Got him interested in building Leggos models. Our BIL does that, too. It has been a god-send!
Yes, it does sound like he is facing his mortality squarely in the face and it is not easy! DH is going to be 70 on Monday and is the same way . . . @ 70! Lordy. Ill be 68 and feel like this (the 60’s) is the new 40’s. Whatever. If you have a negative mindset, the body DOES deteriorate. **SIGH**
YES YES YES! Hobbies are so important. DH didn’t have any either. That’s why I kept pushing Leggos. Good for improving his dexterity and gets the mind working and he shares his adventures via Zoom with the BIL. It has picked up his mood.
Men really have a hard time of things when they retire. They feel useless. They’re not, of course, but that’s how they feel. Sad.
You are NOT unique in this situation, for sure. I know since Jason had his spinal surgery then his thyroid surgery, he would certainly prefer to be a couch potato, so . . . lots of things fall onto my plate so I’m ready to snooze by 7 pm! I usually don’t but . . . I understand your exhaustion.
Awwww, for sure, let him know you love him! That will never change. I reassure Jason of that, too.
Glad he’s better today.
Oh Barb--and here I thought I was alone in tins--Isn't it sad?--- Leggo models eh??---- I suggested puzzles--large ones but he looked at me like I had flipped my lid- Thank yu sO so much !--Lynda
DeleteLynda, you are NOT alone. Fred was having an off day and was in a funk.
ReplyDeleteYou, my dear, do have too much to do...outside and inside. You may want to consider downsizing to the villas you spoke off some time ago. Not sure if that would work for Beau but doesn't hurt to inquire.
My DH SITS unless I insist we go to the gym to walk. He has no hobbies, nor interests aside from reading the paper and listening to political commentary yuck. I do it all and if I sit down I doze off.
Glad Fred has a better mood today. Yes, definitely tell him how handsome he is and how much you love him.
Hang in, hang on!!
so-- There are more women than me, going thru this-- Too bad I didn't interest him in more stuff!--Thank yu for telling ,me this!-- Lynda
DeleteSame here, so you're not alone. How come my husband, a mechanical engineer with Master Degrees, do not have any hobby??? He read engineering books like drinking water and now he can't read a book? Hugs.
ReplyDeletePatricia--- so so happy to hear from yu--so--I'm not alone--- Bless yu for writing!--I needed this! Lynda
ReplyDeleteGlad he is better today. Maybe he's jealous of all the attention Lopez gets! Take him on a few drives - weather permitting of course to get him out of the house and thinking about something else. Lopez is a cutie who's getting better.
ReplyDeleteBrenda--- He does better out on a drive--has a better day-- Thznks--Lynda
DeletePoor Himself, even 93 year old folks can suffer from depression. Most seniors downsize too late. Then we have unpleasant decisions to make, in a rush. We women think cleaning is the most important thing in our lives, yet when our loved ones are gone, we are lonely. All that time and energy, spent on daily chores, instead of spending quality time with loved ones. Would a counselor to talk to help? Grief is so hard.
ReplyDeleteTry the love you to the moon and back. He is probably got the winter
ReplyDeleteblues along with the weather, and he is just down....does he play cards
or anything you could engage him with?
Take him for a long drive, and stop somewhere for a burger...drive thru should be safe...it will get him out of the house...
It is hard for anyone, who was was very active before retirement, to adjust to a life that is less active. The pandemic doesn't help because they are now shut in on top of it all. Cherish the good days and let the bad days go. Keeping you and Himself in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteBeth M.
Yes! Tell him that you love and adore him. That he is the handsomest man you have ever met. That your sons favor him.
ReplyDeleteAlso tell him that when the physical body passes...the soul does not. It just goes to Spirit...you both are in the medical field. I'll be you have both been at the bedside of a death and may have witnessed that passing yourselves.
Some people do not even want a wake. The want a Home Going Party. I know I do!
A favorite poem for you both:
Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
by
Mary Elizabeth Frye
Next
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
This poem is in the public domain
This blog made me think of a lady from my parents' church that no longer drove. They went pick her up for some event at church and she didn't answer her doorbell. As they walked back to the car she called out to them from her roof where she was sweeping of the leaves and had not watched the time.
ReplyDeleteI follow a blog by a 99-yer-old lady that has given me great pause for thought on many occasions. You may want to check her out:
Engaging with Aging. https://engagingwithagingblog.wordpress.com/
I'm glad Himself was in a better frame of mind in the morning. I hope you do tell him how much you love him, and give him a big hug and smooch, too. I'm divorced for many years, so have no husband to compare. But, I recall you saying his memory is not as good, and he's retired which is not an easy adjustment at any age, especially as he was the "big banana." Hence, it's difficult for you on top of all the work you do, which amazes me. My dad struggled, and one thing that helped him was getting into Tai Chi; hit helped him socialize and was good for his balance and how he felt overall. I wonder if your husband would try some chair/stretching exercises with you if you could find some good ones on youtube? It would be great for him, and good for you as well...something to do together. Or maybe your local sons could rotate coming to take him out for a drive once a week?
ReplyDeleteHugs to you! I know it is not an easy time for you. Senior adulting is NOT for sissies.
P.S. If he resists the chair stretching, ask him to watch you do it so he can give you pointers. Telling him you need his medical background perspective might get him engaged???
ReplyDeletePoor himself. In my opinion i think he should have retired a lot earlier when he felt like doing other things with his life. I feel bad for him.
ReplyDeleteMy sister Thoms1 always said before you retire you must have a plan! For me my plan was to get healthy and maintain! So far so good! Been in maintenance since 2009. Of course, her DH did not have a plan and just loves to sit. Go figure! Good luck with Himself!
ReplyDelete