I'm back--online----- Lord love a Duck!--- It has been a couple of rough days here, with Himself! ---Things are beginning to seem a tad better however--so I'll try to get a blog online here quickly!--
My poor husband--He is living in the past--seems like about 25 yrs ago--A friend whose hubby passed on recently, was in this same state--She was here this morning visiting Himself and has helped me accept what is going on, and gave me a lot of pointers to deal with him--- like change the subject--and try to remember that he won't remember all of this--and--to keep a sense of humour----- Also, son #3, the Policeman, has asked a Dr. from Himself's clinic, to come out here to-morrow morning to do some tests -- This whole situation is so disturbing--- -I had to sleep in a different room last night as Himself became sorta violent to me--- That in itself was very upsetting to both of us!
So, of course, I am not eating--- crying a lot-- shedding tons of tears--having difficulty accepting all of this--- Our daughter in Ohio does not believe me when I try to tell her what is going on--Son #1, our eldest son, was at the end of Himselfs' wrath sometime ago, so he knows what it is like--
Isn't life strange?--- Just when yu have it sorta figured out, something crazy happens?--
Son#2, our Pilot son, who was just here, is now in Seoul, Korea--He has been very supportive----
I can't believe that I had time to get this typed up-- I have read all yer comments from the last blog-and I sure appreciate hearing from yu all! ---Any suggestions I would appreciate also!-- I wonder how many of yu know how lonely it is going thru all this?-- Praise the good Lord I have yu all!
Sorry about that. I am glad the doctor is coming to see your husband and perhaps clear things up. Prayers for smooth process.
ReplyDeletePraying for both of you and that the Dr.who visits will find something that helps.Also that your daughter just lets you vent and is as supportive as she can be.If she can't say anything nice she should keep mouth closed in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you are experiencing this. Glad you have an in-person friend that has gone through something similar -- lean on her as much as she can handle in addition to getting help from your family. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteLynda, all life eventually makes its transition to Spirit. Let's hope it's not Himself's time yet.
ReplyDeleteLight, Love and Prayers are going up...from lots of us.
{{{HUGS}}}
It sounds as if you're getting support from the sons in town, and I know it is comforting to have a friend who has experienced this with her husband. At this point, it also seems it draining to try to convince your daughter of what is going on -- we all know we can't choose how someone, no matter how close they are to you, will respond to something like this. Perhaps that will change after the doctor's visit. If you have time, make a few notes about Himself's behavior (and do not forget the physical violence) -- the more specific the better -- so you can share that with the doctor. It's so frustrating when you remember after the fact that there was something specific you didn't mention. With your nursing background, you know that more information is helpful, but it's hard to be objective when there is so much chaos around you. And remember, you have a lot of friends here who care for you.
ReplyDeleteOh Lynda my heart aches for you. I wish I had some ideas to help you. I am glad a doctor is going to come see himself tomorrow. Praying he will have some answers. I am also glad you have a friend that went through this. Hope she will be able to walk this difficult journey with you.
ReplyDeleteI know you don't feel like eating but unfortunately you are going to have to make sure you are eating. One so you don't get sick. Two so you have the strength to deal with this. I am sure there are many other reasons but my mind can't come up with them at the moment.
I am praying for you, himself, your family, and everyone who will be involved in this journey with you. May God give you all you need to do what needs to be done.
Again I am so sorry this is happening to all of you.
Hugs my dear friend
I am glad you posted this. I was getting real worried as you haven't posted since Friday. I'm glad most of your kids are supportive. Your daughter should come and visit and see for herself. The violence concerns me. The one thing that my grandmother did when she was about this stage at my aunt's home was she swung her cane at my aunt and hit her in the temple - missed killing her by a fraction of an inch and my grandmother weighed less than 100 lbs. when she did this. I'm glad son#1 is getting the doctor to come out and see for himself. Be careful Fred doesn't get angry about this. You're now in "rocky road territory" and no fault to anyone as he doesn't understand what's going on. It would be good if son #1 could also be there when the doctor comes if possible. Take care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteLynda, all I can do is pray for you. Please eat and keep yourself healthy. You must keep your health up. Please be aware that there are many who are supporting you, even though we aren't there physically.
ReplyDeleteHugs and more hugs.
Glad to hear a Dr. is coming to the house. So happy the boys are so supportive.
ReplyDeletePlease write notes on the incidents so you don't forget. That will be helpful in diagnosing. I'm do sorry to hear that himself was aggressive with you. I am happy to hear that you have a friend who has gone through this with her husband. Lean on her and the boys. You must take care of yourself. Thats a must. Thanks for taking time to let us know whats happening.
Be well and safe.
Sending hugs
Hang in there. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteSending love and hugs....when you hadn’t posted, I had a sad feeling that Fred was continuing to decompensate. I can’t even imagine how unsettling and upsetting this is for you. Yes, your Spark friends are here for you. ❤️ Eissa7
ReplyDeleteI kept checking yesterday when you didn't post anything in the morning and hoping that nothing had happened. So sorry for what is going on and I hope that the doctor will have some answers or suggestions to help you. Now that you are sleeping in another room try and keep an ear tuned to make sure Himself doesn't get up and go out the door in this freezing cold. They do tend to wander at night and it wouldn't take much for him to get lost. My thoughts are with you! (((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteOh Lynda! So so sorry. Just no words. I hope that the Dr. from Himself’s clinic can come out to assess him.
ReplyDeleteI can attest to the fact that Mom would talk about things from long ago, she did exhibit violent behaviors and never would remember any of it. The suggestion to distract by changing the subject is good. Worked sometimes w/Mom. Wishing you so much luck. Many prayers and many hugs.
YOUR DD doesn’t believe you? Has she talked to her brothers? **SIGH** That would upset me. Do you have video capability on your phone? My brother didn’t believe how it was with our Mom when I was taking care of them (Mom and Dad) in our home. I finally video’d her in a tirade. He understood it after that.
YES YES YES you have many who understand how lonely it is to go through this. I am so very sorry.
Sending love
Barb
1crazydog
I'm glad you had a minute to post; even gladder you have an "in person" friend who understands what you're going through. It's pretty awful, but not uncommon, for loved ones with dementia to become violent verbally and mentally. Because we love them so much it's even worse.
ReplyDeleteI agree with some things others have said... hopefully your son or sons can be present when the doctor is there. It's all so upsetting that it helps sometimes to have others share as well in case you forget something. I learned when my daughter was ill, and used it with helping my parents as they needed help...keep a binder. Write your questions and things to tell the medical team as soon as they come to you. I also wrote down what the medical folks told me ... I felt pretty normal but the stress was so great that I could not always remember. As well, you might ask your sons if they can take turns sleeping over at your house, particularly if the agitation/possibility of violence escalates evenings/nights.
As for your daughter, she will or will not come to acceptance. Emotionally she may not be able to do that.
I'm keeping you in prayer.
Sometimes it can be a medication that's "Off", which was the case with my neighbor. She thought I was someone else when I was "sitting" with her, to spell her daughters. She thought she'd been taken somewhere other than her own home, and she was expecting her husband to come home from work (he'd passed away a few years prior). But when they "fixed" her medication, she was fine again.
ReplyDeleteI do hope it turns out to be something that can be helped out, and boy am I glad for the other doctors from his practice coming out to assist / check on him.
I hope you get help and answers soon. I knew you must be going through rough times not seeing you write. Thank you for letting us know as we care so much about you and your family. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this, and am sorry I have missed several days of your blogs. Apparently, healing from this surgery is taking more time than I expected and it seems I can't get everything done in a day. But how scary to have to watch himself not be himself! And your daughter not believing it is really happening. I am so glad you have Son #2 who can help you through some of this, but in the end I know the biggest burden lands on your shoulders. Do whatever you can to take care of yourself - I will be sure to check in again tomorrow!
ReplyDeleteI hope the doctor can help you, and lift you up. It is his illness doing this, not you doing something wrong. So sorry for both of you!
ReplyDeleteWish I could be there for you! Know that we're all there in spirit. Still hoping against hope it's just a UTI.
ReplyDeleteKeep us posted when you can!
Hugs.
😢❤️🙏 sorry to hear of rough times. Hope the doctor can help tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you. Wish that we all had answers. And yes, we are all here for you. Hugs and prayers. I hope that the doctor has some ideas to help. ❤️
ReplyDeleteI sure do know how lonely it is going through all of this. I'm so glad a couple of your sons are local and can help. It is so hard. But you, and Himself will get through this. Himself may not be the same, but you will be stronger. It's so hard when someone you love is going through this change. I will be thinking of you (as I often do anyway) and sending love, hugs, strength, good vibes and of course some prayers as well.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to read this, Lynda! Good the doctor is coming. Good the sons are helpful. It’s hard for your daughter to be far away and hear this. You just don’t want to believe that it is happening. Can’t picture your parent that you love so much having these problems. I speak from experience. But she will be there for you any way she can.
ReplyDeleteSending best wishes!
So sorry to read this Lynda. The best advice is to continue to talk with your friend who has been through the trials. You do need emotional support and as a caregiver, you need some time to yourself. Take care of you so you have the energy to care for Himself.
ReplyDeleteEncourage one of your sons to be there when the Dr. comes. If you have any questions, write them down. Take notes, this will help later on if you forget anything discussed. I will be helpful for you for any future appointments as well. Or you can enlist a son to do this for you.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to hear what a loved one with dementia says. Remind yourself often that he may not know it is you he is talking to. His comments are not aimed at you, it is aimed at whoever he thinks he is taking to, or at his situation. If you plan to keep him home, you might look into respite care. It doesn't mean you will have to leave your home while they are there. You could take a nap, or take a long soak in the tub. You could even go visit a friend, anything that would lift your spirits. It sounds like your sons are trying to be there more often and that's good. The more family members who are aware of and have seen what is going on is helpful.
Keeping all of you in my prayers and in my heart.
Beth Mosko
Oh Lynda, I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. It's hard. So glad the doctor is coming tomorrow to check him out. Hopefully it's something that can corrected. I've been worried something had happened. Your children can help you with this. Sometimes when we're under so much stress, we need the help of others. Don't feel guilty for asking. Sending lots of hugs and prayers to you ❤️
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that you;re going through this, Lynda. My grandma had dementia and the doctor told all of us that when she's talking about a past memory of something don't correct her because even if it's wrong she might close up if all we do is correct her. Just smile and agree. It's so hard to see a loved one go through that. Hugs and prayers to you both.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this. I am glad that your sons are being so supportive. I am sending prayers and hugs. Take care of you too.
ReplyDeleteI find with mom that I just keep in the present moment in whatever she is getting on about. I don't correct I just nod and turn the conversation onto something else. When mom has a rough day I learned that the next day she doesn't even remember calling so I have learned to let it go. Huge hugs and I will send you one of the notes that I read at least once a week on messenger. Daughters find it harder to accept that their daddy isn't like he was.
ReplyDeleteFor me, hired help is a must. I can't do it by myself. ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear that some of he kids are understanding and supportive. You are never alone with all of us here. Blog multiple times daily if it helps. . . . someone is almost sure to be on line. My biggest hugs to you. . . .stay well.
ReplyDeleteWe do understand Lynda...that's why we are all trying to support you
ReplyDeletefrom afar. Please be careful and do not let him hurt you when he is
not himself...
For your daughter.........have Son #3 talk to your daughter. She has
to understand the truth, and get out of the denial stage.