It has been quite a couple of difficult days--Himself is not himself-- He announced he does not wish to be 100. You see the Prevention magazine came yesterday, and there is an article, "How to live to be 100"-(--He is not doing anything they say to do if yu want to reach that age--) Poor fella! --He told me that he wants to go in a home-I know he doesn't believe that really!--- (There is a waiting list of about 500 years I think!)_-He feels if he is in a home he can just sit in a chair all day---which is just about what he does here anyway--His attitude is sad--He is healthy--well--- not mentally I guess---but--He certainly does not have any diseases --except he doesn't hear-- He believes that I am bossy-- I guess I am-- I try to be "bossy" in a nice way-- LOL---So far, I am not crying--just don't know how to handle him--
So, life goes on-- I am sorry to tell yu all this--- but-- at least it helps me not to cry---someone to share the problems with, concerning himself-- This really did start yesterday --I took him out in the car, thinking it would snap him out of his depression--but-- he became very angry with me as it was supper time--getting later and later, and I had already put gasoline-in the car---and did run into the grocery for bananas and he then wanted roast beef from the deli and fresh bread from another grocery and I had to say , "NO" --we had to go home--
I have never been as strong as I always wanted to be-- LOL--- definitely not bossy-- always thinking of the other person-- so, it was hard for me to tell him, "NO. we had to get home!"--- It is hard to be running in and out of so many places--And its me who does it all-Himself sits in the car--
Anyway, maybe things will never be better--maybe even worse-- and no use "blubbering"-- (I do like that word! )--Why do so many men go thru this in their old age?--- They give up----
Sorry Himself is giving yOu problems. I love the saying: you are the result of the love of thousands! Never thought of it like that but it’s true! Hugs and hope Himself behaves better today! Dorothy
ReplyDeleteAww Dorothy-He was doing pretty good --until yesterday--good to hear from yu -- talking it out eliminate the stress Lynda
DeleteI am so sorry you have to go through this, I would be a mess. I recall when my husband was in the hospital waiting for an operation to fix his broken neck. He was put on Dilaudid because he had to lay flat and due to his back issues he could not without being in agonizing pain. Anyway, the Dilaudid made him demented. He would go into "sundowners" around 5 pm, when I tended to visit him, he would have to be tied down, he would scream things at me, and I would leave in tears. Finally they had to give up on the idea of the operation and for a year he lived with a brace on his neck b4 ultimately having the operation. He never did bounce back after that.
ReplyDeleteAs to DST, I abhor turning back the clocks. I immediately start suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which used to be quite terrible for me prior to taking on a part-time job. I just HATE it. I need daylight, I need SUN!
Oh Marti --so many sad stories eh?--i am happy to talk o yu--makes me feel not alone Lynda
DeleteHugs! We change clocks here tonight, too. One day at a time. I do hope Himself (and you) have a better day today. One day it *will* be time to consider another living arrangement. Perhaps not today, though.
ReplyDeleteAwwwww, having the same weather here and Miss Lilly is quick with the business! Thankfully.
ReplyDeleteOh goodness. So sorry to hear that Himself is having difficult days – meaning YOU DO TOO! OMG, my Dad said the same thing about he and Mom going to a home . . . I was astounded. As it happened, it was necessary, but it was for Mom’s safety. Sorry to hear Himself is feeling that way. And you know what? IT IS OK TO CRY! All I can say is that I did. It helps.
You know, you have to set those boundaries for yourself (like saying NO when you don’t think it is possible). That’s making the right choices. Don’t feel guilty about that! It’s the right thing to do.
Yes, we change our clocks back tonight. Theoretically an extra hr. sleep, but . . . don’t think that will work, because Miss Lilly doesn’t know about the time change!
LOL-- No-- Beau and Lopez do not know about the time change either--LOl-Lynda
DeleteOh Lynda. I'm so sorry to hear Fred had a bad day. Hoping today is better. I've blubbered a bit myself this week. Hubs is inpatient and he wants me right here. I am so tired. No idea when he'll be released or what life will look like when he is. I suppose at a minimum home health,PT and more. Since surgery his cognitive seems worse. He already has bad, bad hearing and vision. One hr at a time. I have no support, family,friends which makes me blubber
ReplyDeleteI'll keep trusting God and carry on for today.
Time change tonight uugghh
Hugs
Margene-- I guess "blubbering" lets go of the stress--maybe-- so sorry that yu are going thru this too- Lynda
DeleteHugs, hugs, hugs.
ReplyDeleteDementia can be a double-edged dilemma in the stages where it fluctuates so often. My sweet grandmother was 13 years younger than my grandfather. When her early-onset dementia delusions became more than he could handle, they both moved into a nursing facillity as roommates. When she no longer recognized him and was non-verbal and immobile, he moved back to their home. A couple of years later his legs gave out so he went back into the facility on a different wing from her. On the night he passed away an aide was in my grandmother's room and was shocked when my non-verbal grandmother distinctly called out my grandfather's name three times at the instant he passed away.
I shared the above, not to make you sad, but in hopes to show you that the bond of love is still there inside the person afflicted with dementia.
Hang in there!
Phoenix1949
DeleteYou reply to Lynda tugged at my heart....I cried. My mom had Alzheimers and changed her so much that it was hard to be with her. I live with the regret that I was not at the assisted living facility when she died. I was preparing to go and stay the night with her when the hospice nurse called and said come quickly as she was going fast....needless to say I did not make it there. I was devastated that she died alone, but the aides and nurses all assured me that they were right there with her, holding her hands when she took her last breath. I think deep down my mom knew I was dreading the end, as I was with my dad when he passed and it was so hard, so she went quietly without me. The hospice nurse told me that she had 3 or 4 days before she would pass........and so I went home to pack and gather some things....I wish I had just stayed the night with her and not left. Makes me cry still when I think about it and it was 2 years ago.
Lynda
DeleteI feel for you! Living with someone with dementia is very hard work. You are a strong woman. I am constantly amazed at all the you take care and do for your home and family. Sometimes just taking care of two cats is a challenge for me! And you are so right - stressing over things you can't control is futile. Hang in there!
Thanks Sandra-- if he were only happy--and the way he used to be-- Lynda
DeleteThat is quite a story--about yer Grandmother--- he doesn't think I love him anymore-- kinda breaks my heart--Lynda
DeleteLynda - keep reminding yourself that it is the disease talking, not Fred (which was my grandfather's name also). My Dad took out the bulk of his frustrations on Mom but as their dedicated driver I got a lot of grief also. Dad was a very gentle person before dementia set in and further along in the process his anger would sometimes come out in loud cursing and shoving. Often, when I would leave the parents' home, I would pull over in a nearby restaurant's crowded parking lot and get in the back of my van and sob to release my deep sadness before going home. Best not to correct and/or argue -- agree/distract/deflect with kindness. Take care of Lynda first. Hugs. PHOENIX1949
DeleteFor Sandra just in case she revisits this blog thread. Hugs for you also. PHOENIX1949
DeleteOh, Lynda, I am so sorry you are going through these issues. Ya know what though? Women get it too, but not as often. Think of what your kids would go through if you BOTH had Alz?
ReplyDeleteThat shopping trip sounds kinda frantic. Did Lopez come to stay with Himself in the car?
I do believe if we can look at the positive (sometimes it's really hard to find, I know) side of our experiences, we don't feel so bad.
Sending you both Light, Love and Prayers. {{{HUGS}}}
I am sorry Himself is having issues....JUST a thought Lynda, the days are shorter and is getting dark earlier, wonder if he has that "Seasonal Effective Disorder.".....it affects some folks and he already has his sundowners...........Just a thought, you could google it..I did.
ReplyDeleteYou should call his doctor and get him at least on the list to be seen by the care coordinator. He may never have to but you then get help with a care coordinator coming out to assess and get you some at home help. That is what we did for Mom and it really, really helped a lot with assistance and then with being on lists for nursing care. You would have access to help which is important too.
ReplyDelete