The above is really me--at least how I feel---Yesterday turned into a very difficult day --We had one showing and I picked up an enormous grocery order--It turned out to be too much for Himself to handle, and "he went off the deep end"--and became obstinate--- refused to listen to me , even this morning-- I finally did get him into the Lodge however--just now--
"If he does not do as I say, I cannot keep him and he will have to be placed somewhere--"---as he was telling me that he will not go to the Lodge because he will pick up Covid---- but---- FINALLY , I got him there--late of course.-- I do not believe I can handle him much longer---- expensive to place him everywhere--but----it's looking like I may have to--
So, I will read yesterdays comments soon --haven't done that--I really do need more hours in my day!--
We have a sunny beautiful day here ---Lopez and I have hoofed it up the back road twice---- but -- he needs to go a third time so --When Himself yells at me, it upsets Lopez who thinks Himself is hurting me and barks viciously at him--and then Himself yells louder and--PURE CHAOS happens----and I walk away---have to----
So--- life eh???--Complicated for sure----I need to hear from you all so much--- What would "YOU" do in my situation?---
It's Kathy. I'm afraid you may have no choice but to place Himself in a place with people who can help him - for your own piece of mind. It's not okay for you to have to be treated this way, over and over. But I know these places are expensive! Hopefully your home will sell soon and you will maybe have more options. When Tom and I raise our voices, Daisy runs and hides. She doesn't like us fighting - and sometimes we're just aggravated about something outside of our control! Dogs are wonderful, aren't they! I hope your day improves!
ReplyDeleteKathy I am thinking the same--but Im so sad about it---We have an offer on this house--open it tomorrow--- so happy to hear from yu-=Lynda
DeleteLynda, the meme about the emotions is true! If it feels good, go with it. Try to change a negative emotion by 'thinking a better thought' or thinking about something you love.
ReplyDeleteI agree that you will not be able to be Himself's caretaker much longer. Did you ever get him on waiting list? 'Course now you will have to research where places for him are located in your new town.
Frustrating! You are right to walk away when you can.
Received 2 heavy boxes of photos and more from the people where I used to live. Had no idea they were still there. There's stuff I swear I haven't seen...but lots I have. Old yearbooks, photos of my mom, my kids when they were little, my grandma...haven't even looked through all the envelopes yet.
I do hope, sis, that today is calmer for you. You need some peace, quiet and rest. Maybe piano...be happy, honey. {{{HUGS}}} Love, Maggie
Maggie-- The day turned out OK-- Himself was better behaved--Hey we got an offer on the house-will see it to-morrow--The box of stuff you received sounds intertesting--Lynda
DeleteI finally realized that I was not able to take care of my mom after I had brought her here when she could no longer live alone. I felt terrible about it, but I could not get her to shower or bathe, had to "baby gate" the stairs so she would not fall down them, and she would not let me out of her site, and much more.....once I found a place for her, it was wonderful as she enjoyed being with others and it was wonderful until Covid hit. Then I could no longer visit her and they made everyone stay in their little rooms and couldn't even have meals together....So then I felt terrible again. Mom had a great 2 1/2 years in her assisted living place! I was happy for her...and then 2 months of isolation because of Covid, she passed away...so once again I felt terrible because maybe if she had still been living with me.......????? I cannot second guess myself. I did what I thought was best for her and I think that's all you can do.
ReplyDeleteYu did what was best for both of yu Sandra--and that is so good--Lynda
DeleteSending positive thoughts your way. You have made a plan that gets you into a smaller place and that is a good thing. Hopefully the house sells quickly with all the showings and the offer coming in. After all that happens you and your family can research facilities close to the new place. Unfortunately, as we age, sometimes things change and we have to do things we don’t want to do. It is so very hard, but you must take care of yourself and do what is best for both of you. Stay positive and strong!
ReplyDeletepositive and strong--2 very important ways to be--Lynda
DeleteI was afraid this would happen, he would become more combative..I am more worried about him hurting you than anything else. Are the kids on board with him being placed where he cannot hurt himself or someone else?
ReplyDeleteSo many decisions, so painful .... Prayers Lynda, wish I could do something concrete to help you. As a former caregiver, I feel your pain. Maybe he would be happier in an assisted care..
Yh You know I really think he will be happier in an assisted care place--hard to do--Lynda
DeleteHello, Marti here. I would run, not walk, and place him somewhere. You can't allow yourself to become sentimental over it, it HAS to happen. That's my opinion. You have been mulling it over for some time now. DO it!
ReplyDeleteAs for your house, I thought you said you had multiple offers coming, is that still on hold?
Hi Marti--We have only 1 firm offer --and we will see it tomorrow--Hopefully it is a good one!-- We have had many showings -Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda, hoping today will be much better.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you walked away and did not engage and escalate the situation. Dementia patients can become combative. I'm concerned for your safety.
For now, I hope the house offer is good and you can proceed with current plan.
I can share that it was a gut wrenching choice to place my mom. She'd lived with us for 5 years plus I worked full time. I did have help for her in the morning. My guilt still comes up from time to time. The guilt is tough. Unfortunately, she didn't live long.
Do you have a plan if house doesnt sell?
Please try to relax and untangle thoughts and emotions. You have way to much coming at you at once. You've got to take care of you.
Hugs and prayers
Marge/St.Louis
Well Marge--WE see the offer to-morrow--then we decide I guess to accept or not-Lynda-
DeleteAwwww, sorry to hear it was such a stressful day w/Himself. Well, you’re wise to at least do your research about places that might be appropriate for Himself. That’s what I did. I KNEW there would come a day when I just could not safely care for Mom. She was starting to enter the wandering stage and that is just plain dangerous. Can’t be up 24/7 like a prison guard. *SIGH* Well, glad you got him to the Lodge anyhow. I HOPE it helped a little.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely deserve a good stomp to rock this day!
Hugs and blessings
Barb
1crazydog
Yes for sure--a good stomp to rock the day--Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda! Sorry you have all these things going on. How was today? You will see your offer/offers tomorrow. Hope it will be good. Sending Ohio hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteTo-day went well --- happy for that--Lynd
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ReplyDeleteHi Lynda: Sounds like you had a rough morning. You have to get help and hopefully find a place for himself to be placed in. You will need to take a reasonable offer for the house to be able to afford the cost of a retirement
Yu all are so kind to even be thinking of me-=-I appreciate it very much-Lynda
DeleteSorry, somehow the above posted before I was finished. ....re above place for himself to be placed in. Look after yourself. Take care Brenda
ReplyDeleteLynda, I am so sorry to hear how your day started off. I'm sure you're feeling that things are coming at you from all directions, and that's hard to deal with. One question you should ask yourself is, "Do I still feel safe with Himself"? It sounds like his combativeness is escalating, and if he should hurt you, who would care for him then? I hope the offer on the house is the amount you had asked for, so that you can breathe a sigh of release and check that off your to do list. I hope you still find time to play the piano. Remember to take good care of yourself.
ReplyDeleteWe find what the offer is this AM--- --Lynda
DeletePHOENIX1949
ReplyDelete(((((HUGS)))))
Thank yu--Lynda
DeleteSo sorry for your very difficult day! I know it's hard to even consider that the time may be coming when you cannot live in the situation you find yourself in anymore. I pray for respite for you and the right solution to appear.
ReplyDeleteThanks Barb--Yes I need yer prayers--Thank yu-Lynda
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