I need to tell myself this---It has been a difficult morning--Himself could not find his cushion--thought I had disposed of it I guess--but, it was just beside his chair--I realize that I cannot always handle his moods---and the moods seem to be getting worse--Perhaps it is a good idea to have a plan---like--set a date of when he should get more professional care--perhaps an assisted living place---expensive, but--if the house sells , say , in the Spring-- perhaps I could rent a townhome in town--and , life just might be easier for me--Someday, I must accept the fact that "ME" and "ME" alone, cannot manage this place----AND HIMSELF, and remain sane-- It is not fun being told that I am a terrible person ALL the time---
Maybe it's called--"Facing Reality"
So----Do I stay----till the bitter end----or--Do I go?------ a tough decision ---but--life can be tough---I know one thing tho--I NEVER WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE EVER AGAIN FOR another person --At least my dog doesn't talk back---sad ---sad sad--- 
Anyway-- Nothing will happen till Spring--a long time away--and lots could happen before then--- maybe Himself will improve---(not likely)-- maybe I will get weird--- (sorta not likely)
but It is time to give it very serious thoughts-For now, I shall just go on---
---
So much to think about, my dear. But take your time making life-changing decisions.
ReplyDeleteI wish you could get more help in your home for him! Seems so difficult for you to find in your area.
Stay strong, and by all means, DEFINITELY continue to vent your feelings . . . it is cathartic and healthy.
Hugs
Barb
1crazydog
Thanks Barb-- WE will get thru this-- Lynda
DeleteLynda, it is hard making decisions like you need to make. Maybe start by getting him on a waiting list cuz it could be months before his name comes up. Start looking online for options for you to move, making sure pets are allowed...just prepare a bit. Know that we are with you...you have our prayers and support.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't mention the weather. Ours is wonderful today. Cooler, yes, but sunny and no rain. Just a bit of a breeze.
I have had groceries delivered and put everything away. Eating leftovers for lunch now, then will be a snooze with Lucky, a shower and change getting ready for karaoke...meditating first.
I guess I have a pretty easy life compared to yours...just Lucky to care for, no outside maintenance...you are SUCH a strong woman. The verbal abuse you get must be the worst! I would have given up when I was at the point where you are. I know you love Fred, though.
Hang in there, sis, it will get better and there are good days still...
{{{HUGS}}} Love and understanding, Maggie
Ahh Maggie-- I want to cry-- Thank yu for your kindness--Yes, his name will go on a list ASAP---- busy days ehh?--Hgs, LyndA
DeleteHi Lynda! So many decisions and the unknown is hard! It is sunny and breezy in Ohio today. We took our nephew out shopping. Another week or so and he will be going home. I will be lonely here but never a dull moment with the two yorkies. My husband must be at the hosputal at 7:15 am for the outpatient surgery on his bicep Tuesday morning. Thanks goodness, it was determined not his rotator cuff. It will be a five hour wait for me. I told him you hoped it was smooth sailing. I appreciate your kind words. I met a new friend the other day. She lives in a development across the street. She was stronger than strong with her attitude and health. She was 90! I could not believe it. She reminded me of you. Such an amazing woman! Hope you are having a super Saturday. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteMarti here. I think that for you, you will know it. Until then, don't worry. :)
ReplyDeleteAwww Marti--Yes--You re right--- I feel thazt time is coming--Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda Sorry you are having difficulties with himself. Yes, making a plan is a good start. Are there waiting lists for the Lodge and for townhouses? May want to investigate options. Nothing stays the same, nothing, so having a plan is important.
ReplyDeleteFantastic weather in St.Louis.
Loved the inserts. I especially like what the hell which is thought or spoken by me numerous times a day.
I understand what you are dealing with. We're in the same boat. I certainly relate to not wanting to take care of anyone else.
Hope your evening is pleasant. Stay positive, strong and sane.
Big hugs
Marge/St.Louis
Thanks Marge for your thoughts-- Lynda
DeleteHi Lynda: Lots to think about. Perhaps you could try to discuss things with your kids. It's not fair that they never seem to get involved or help out. Isn't there someone up there somewhere that could help out by visiting with himself, etc. Unfortunately with that disease it never gets better, so you have to stay strong and resilient! And if you eventually decide to move, a bungalow would be much better than a townhouse. And if you're leaving decisions until next spring things may change by then too. Take it easy. Hugs Brenda
ReplyDeleteBrenda--Lots to think about isn't there?--Lynda
DeleteI know--a challenge--life eh?---Soon your surgery--A lot to think about--Lynda
ReplyDeleteJust hugs and warm thoughts for you. You are so right; it is not easy being the responsible one. Meanwhile, go ahead and ponder, but remember to keep on breathing!
ReplyDelete