"Everyday is a new beginning"---I do not know why this is running thru my brain this morning--- Maybe because I doubt myself all the time--Am I doing the right thing by keeping my husband at home-?-his home--?-the home where we raised 5 wonderful people (children)-about 14 German Shepherds--a few cats-- where we worked hard to have this place-?- I suppose you are thinking -"She doesn't know if she is coming or going"--and you are so right!
You see, I spoke to the head honcho, at the Lodge--I learned that Himself would have to be assessed to see if he qualifies to be living there--assisted care---Now that would go over like a lead balloon with Himself--He does not wish to move from his home here-- and , I understand that---It would be very hard for him to move--It would probably kill him--Is it easy for me to be taking care of him?--Definitely not!---- But, it is his home and he manages pretty well here--Do I find it hard to take care of him?--Yes, a lot of the time I do----but, I love him, in spite of some pretty difficult situations--like--he does become confused at times, because he doesn't hear , or hears the wrong thing--or when he is tired at the end of the day---but---you know, we all get that way sometimes---
So, somehow, I will, and can, be here, with this man, who will turn 96 yrs----in this home-- through "thick and thin"--- Will it be easy?----No! It is not! ---- But I love this guy to the moon and back---and, in spite of everything, I know, in his heart , he loves me more--
And I do have a great deal of support from you all--
Yes, you are strong and a beautiful woman. Your feelings are your true self and show your true path in life. Your love for Himself and your house, as well as your history in the house show through. Hang in there. As you know, Himself is not the same person you were with for so many years but try to ignore the bad days and savor the good. None of us are what we used to be!! You have plenty of room to go to another part of the house and play the piano or read a book and let things calm down again. You are doing fantastically great. Sit back and enjoy the fall weather as you know what comes next. Dot
ReplyDeleteYes---- the winter is ahead of us--That will be interesting!! ---- Good thing for the piano for sure--Lynda
DeleteLynda, we all do feel for you and, though we have our own opinions and perspectives, we support you in whatever you decide. I will not state my opinions again, except to say that your love for him and yourself will help you decide. Where will he get constant care? Which home would give him (after he adjusts) less stress and be easier for you both? Etc.
ReplyDeleteOn the way soon to get the brakes done. Cleaned out the car inside. Wouldn't have wanted them to see all the empty water, tea and diet 7-Up bottles, etc.
Hope I can get my nap in...brakes are at 3, then shopping for pet food, etc.
Pray, hon...try taking a legal pad, make 2 vertical columns. On the left side write the positive things about moving him. On the right, write the negatives. See which column is longer. That may help with the decisions you need to make.
Oh, yes...when your life is adjusted, when I win the lottery WE WILL DEFINITELY MEET...at one of our homes or halfway in between!
{{{HUGS}}}Love, your sis, Maggie
We shall for sure meet--- any place--- How are the brakes?--Was it expensive??__Lynda
DeleteIt's Kathy. I love the memories you have. So rewarding to raise your children together in the home that you both love. Nothing is ever easy! That message is really hitting home for me these days too! I have words with my husband too, in fact just this morning. He's tired of all the drama that goes on in our home over my daughter and the safety of her children. He also says it's time for me to take care of myself this week before surgery - but how do I not answer the phone when she calls? So I try to juggle these things and send prayers up to the good Lord! That's the best I can do. Today I need to get Daisy brushed out after her bath - then my room of the day is the living room! We will have left overs for dinner - thankfully! Wishing you a great day!
ReplyDeleteKathy--One week to the surgery--Yu are very brave-- and positive thoughts to you that yu will be free of pain afterwards--Lynda
Delete(((((HUGS)))))
ReplyDeletePhoenix1949
Phoenix1949, hope you find something in this article that helps.
ReplyDeleteHow To Stay Positive As A Dementia Caregiver: 25 Affirmations
by Rosanne Burke, MA Family Studies and Gerentology, Alzheimer Society of Nova Scotia, Published August 21, 2019.
An affirmation is a positive statement that can help you overcome negative or self-sabotaging thoughts. You can think of it as wishful thinking. It may be difficult at the beginning to actually believe each affirmation that you repeat but when practiced regularly, affirmations can become a reality. You are what you think!
Here are 25 positive affirmations for family caregivers of persons living with dementia:
I am as equally important as the person I care for. No one person is more important than the other.
I spend time on self-care on a regular basis. I can’t pour from an empty cup.
I explore opportunities for respite on a daily, weekly, monthly and annual basis. I need to make sure my own oxygen mask is on first before I can help others.
I know when I need a break from caregiving, and I step away even if it’s for a few minutes.
I feel confident in my ability to ask for help.
I take care of all aspects of my health – physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and mental. I pay attention to each of these areas and take the necessary steps to stay healthy.
When someone asks if I need help, I am ready with a list of what someone can do to support me. Being organized is key to accepting help.
When someone asks me if my loved one still knows who I am, I respond from the heart and say they know I am someone who loves them. That is enough for me.
I release myself from all guilt. I know I am doing my best as a caregiver and feeling guilty is unjustified and irrational.
I accept the changes in my loved one as they occur and know this is the progression of the condition.
I surround myself with loving, caring and helpful team members to support me on my dementia journey.
I detach from anyone who is negative or doesn’t contribute to the care of my loved one in a helpful way. I don’t expend precious energy on negativity.
I put the relationship with my loved one first and foremost. That is what matters most.
I lay my head on my pillow each night knowing I did my best to care for my loved one.
I strive to learn as much as I can about dementia. Knowledge is power.
I forgive myself for not always knowing what to do in the moment. I am doing my best and I will try again tomorrow.
I let go of how my loved one used to be and accept the person they are today.
I focus on what my loved one can still do rather than on the losses.
I am grateful for the positive things that happened today.
I celebrate little moments of joy each day.
I understand the changes in behavior and personality are due to the changes in the brain as a result of dementia. I don’t hold my loved one responsible for what they say or do.
My loved one is doing the best they can at any given moment.
I ask for help when I need it. I can’t do this alone.
I let go of any expectations I have of myself as a caregiver. My only expectation is that I do my best and I accept whatever happens.
There is no such thing as mistakes in caregiving. I do my best, learn from each experience and move on to the next.
About the Author:
Rosanne Burke is a Dementia Care Consultant, trainer, and speaker. She helps family caregivers feel more confident and competent by providing training, finding the right tools and resources, and creating a personalized caregiving plan. She also offers dementia training workshops for business owners who want to learn how to make their business dementia-friendly. Email her at rosanne@kejiconsulting.ca.
Roseanne--- beautiful affirmations--I printed them out--- Thank yu so much--Lynda
DeleteAs you know, we all think you are an amazing woman and you have handled things well. We can only do our best and hope it is enough. I assume your children all know that Himself does not want to leave his home and that you do occasionally need some help if he is to stay there. I think that the Lodge day program is a great way to give you a break and hope Himself can continue to attend. I do wish you could find someone to come to the house to help out sometimes, even if it is to sit and talk with your husband, so maybe finding someone (a retired colleague? A retired nurse?) is where you might want to put your energy if you are determined to try and continue living in your house. It is all time consuming and you are a busy woman just trying to keep things going, so don't beat yourself up over it, but maybe put the word out at the hairdresser's and the Lodge, etc., that you are looking for someone to help at the house. Maybe even having someone come and clean once a week would make your life easier. Just some thoughts. You are doing your best, so give yourself a pat on the back and keep plugging away. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts too--Thank yu--- and I am giving these suggestions serious thought--Lynda
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ReplyDeleteOMG, It is Harder than hard to make such big changes as leaving the home you’ve made together for a bazillion years. Sometimes I look @ DH and just want to have a plan in place should either of us need extended care. It . . . is . . . not . . . easy. You are completely normal in your thoughts!
You are strong and special and will make the right choices as they need to be made. Just know that.
Hugs and blessings
Barb
1crazydog
Thanks Barb--- Things will fit together one day--- I do believe that--- Lynda
DeleteI have the feeling this is a decision that will have to be made over, and over, and over again, possibly even on a daily basis. And yes, you have a strong community of cheerleaders in your readers, but the need to make and remake that decision is yours alone.
ReplyDeleteHugs and cheers as you walk this path, day by day!
Thanks Barb--- -Life can be a challenge--- Lynda
DeleteMarge--Life is always interesting isn't it???--Kind of you to say so many goo ideas---Life is sorta like a puzzle--Hopefully the pieces will fit together sooner than later-- Hugs --Lynda
ReplyDeleteBig hug🩷 Carol in FL
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